Getting the house in order

What a day it has been... more so like what a two days it has been.

Thank God for public holidays. Really.
I cannot imagine what I would do without them... they are so important for rest.

I've come to the realization that you will know when you're overworked/working way too hard when you look forward to "forced" holidays, so that you can sleep (instead of looking forward to festivities). But tis' the situation we are in right now - that my family just has to work extra hard, and hopefully I'll be able to celebrate my birthday in October with much peace and anticipation.

In the meantime, we just need to pull through this season!

I basically spent the whole of Good Friday at home doing 3 main things - eating, sleeping, and working.... and today was pretty much the same, except that I also accomplished my springcleaning task this week.

As so:

Finally cleared the landing which was chucked with
all sorts of random junk from the other family members.
I'm not quite finished but I'll get to the rest of it when it's time to tackle the "Books" category with mum
(because most of them are hers).
It was the bane of my mornings.

Running a family business is interesting in the sense that sometimes, or rather, in the early parts of the life cycle of the family business, the professional and personal parts of family get so intertwined that goodness knows what paperwork has gone where. And now I'm on a mission to stop it.

Tomorrow I will tackle an office declutter project - and I'm tackling the main office. And then send a motherlode of stuff to the Salvation Army! I can't wait!

I will get this house in order!

Finding myself.

So... I spent most of the layover sleeping because I could barely get any with all the sounds of snoring, toilet flushing and knocking me (that is the last time I ever take that aisle seat at the back EVER again. EVER EVER NEVER again. I am totally a window seat leave-me-alone person).

Aaand, other than about an hour of Big Bang Theory, I spent most of my first day back in Singapore sleeping too. I'm not sure if it's jet lag or my new inefficient, unproductive, escapism strategy that's not going to help anyone or make a difference to the world in anyway. Aren't I the most positive person? :) And now at 12:30am Monday morning, I'm struggling to not sleep, because I don't want to wake up in the morning. Part of me is having some sort of anxiety attack of getting back to work and "real-life" I REALLY don't want to have to drive to the office. I don't want to have to meet my father for a management meeting in the morning. And I don't want to meet with the department heads for an update on what has happened these past two weeks and to make these big decisions on "Strategy 2016" and approve budgets and stuff like that.

I just don't want to.
And I don't understand it.

Thus the reason for my random writing at the wee hours in the morning... trying to figure out what in the world is going on with me.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I honestly don't know what's tripping me up. The first book I picked up this morning when I awoke was Strengthsfinder....and with what apparently are my top five strengths (1. Ideation, 2. Strategic, 3. Futuristic, 4. Competition, 5. Activator) it seems like I should be perfectly suited to do what I do. And yet I'm stuck... and I don't believe I can do it.

During my stay in London, I reread "Tuesdays with Morrie", one of my favourite books of all time..and many of his questions challenged me, as they always do when I take a peek in. This probably set the tone for a lot of introspection on the trip... during meals I would ask others questions like "What choice of basking would you do if you were a basker?" and "If you had no limits to time, money, or risk of any form, what would you do with your life? What would your dream career be?" It was always interesting to hear what others had to say... but I found it even more so that I often didn't have an answer of my own. I often spend more time listening and trying to guess what the answers of others would be, whilst having much less self-awareness or vision as I encourage others to have.

I suppose it may help going back to basics.

I remember a time when I was studying Early Childhood Education (yes, believe or not, I actually have a diploma in that with a Certificate of Merit), the basic developmental needs of a child was broken up into 5 main categories with the acronym SPICES - Social, Physical, Intellectual, Cognitive, Emotional, and Spiritual. I wonder how I fare on each of those categories... but a quick self-assessment feels like I'm not doing too well all round. Maybe that's probably why.

As I asked myself the hard questions... part of me felt like I needed to retrace my steps of human existence. I feel like I need to do some sort of archive of my life - year by year, photographs, notes, pictures...any type of historical artefact of my existence  - starting from the day I was born, to really understand why I'm having this sudden existential crisis at this point.

Okay, it's 2am. I really have to continue this conversation with myself a little later this week.

Setting the pace for 2015

Days since op: 220! Gosh, time really flies!
Pain Level: 1.  My chin hurts when I rub it. I think things are still not quite fused up.   

Swelling: I like to believe I'm still swollen.

Sleep last night: Okay, I've been trying to "get a life" nowadays so I do stay out late and sleep late...but now it's more for social reasons than due to discomfort from the surgery.
Other weirdness: Right cheek feels permanently tight. Surgeonman says it's due to some bone thing and that if I wanted to get rid of it, I might need to go back to surgery to shave some of the bone off. :( 

Mood: Lazy Sunday. It's a nice feeling to be able to laze a day away.

It's interesting how time works...that as one walks through life, you make decisions at certain junctures to build on the plot of one's life. Right now, my life has been about work, my pets, getting back to German, as well as fencing. Yes! I'm back to fencing! And here's proof!

It is such a joy to have a blade again. 
Feels like I got a part of me back! :)

It wasn't easy getting back on the piste. This past Wednesday was the first time I was back to fencing others (after a long 8 year break) and gosh did I get trashed. I did score a few points... but pretty much lost every bout - including to a left hander who decided to fence me with his right hand. Thanks.

Warrior has grown so much now. This was a picture of him just a few weeks ago. 

Isn't he the sweetest little thing? :)

And this is a more recent picture of him...except with a little surprise!

Warrior has siblings!

It was just two weeks ago that when I was checking Mummyrabbit whether her milk was sufficient for Warrior that I realized something weird was going on in her tummy. There was something more than just milk in there which left me puzzled because we had seperated Daddyrabbit from her since the delivery of Warrior. Then it clicked! The day Warrior was born, we thought we had lost the whole litter and decided to leave Mummyrabbit with Daddyrabbit... you know, for emotional support. And yeah, this was apparently what happened in those 5 minutes. On the day she gave birth! (That bastard! Haha) But yes, there is so much truth to the term "breeding like rabbits". Initially, I had thought she only had two because they felt so small in her, but when the time came, five little kits appeared.... bringing the total number of rabbits I now own to NINE (the parents, Marshmallow, Warrior, and five new little kits). 

I thought I had a handful with four at first, but now with nine I totally know what it feels like to be a working mother. :D

Mummyrabbit with her five new little kits.

This was them at a few days old. They looked like little pigs.
They were much smaller than when I remembered how Warrior was.

My five little loves. 
All getting white with fur.
The one with a little cut on his nose is Explorer.
I'm not sure how he got that cut, but it might have been from an accident with Mummyrabbit, Warrior, or from a one time I almost lost him when he crawled out and under the cage. I still don't know how that happened, but thank God I went to check on them and found him or he may not have survived!

But yep, life seems to be on to a rolling start this year. I'm back to fencing, checking in to Duolingo everyday for my German, Pilates on Saturdays.... somehow life seems to be getting back on track. There's a quote that I have on my bathroom wall that says "It does not matter how many times you fall. What matters is that you get back up." Take as much time as you need, but get back up. :)

The process is irritating though, and sometimes I get really impatient with my progress. Be it with my fitness (or current lack of), with work, with heart issues, with healing from the jaw surgery (go away numbness!), but some things just take time.

This week, I'm going to try to get my electronic life, financials, and paperwork in order.

To a wonderful 2015!

Recalibrate 2015

Day since the surgery: 196
Pain Level: 0 - No pain, right cheek just feels numb and weird - as usual.

Swelling: Because of the tightness, I'm pretty sure my right cheek is still swollen. Gonna see Surgeonman next week...maybe he'll have some answers.

Sleep last night: Very late (It was NYE) and very disrupted (the flu is back with a vengeance and has gone to my lungs or something...ended up coughing all night).
Other weirdness: Even though I'm past 6 months post-op, I randomly found myself drooling again today. I think it's from a combination of a (still) numb lip and chin, the sickies, and a general heightened inability to feel things whilst I'm sick. It was weird. I thought I was supposed to be past that.

Mood: Sick.

It's the 1st of the New Year and whilst I've friends who went suntanning, shopping, biking, and all sorts of ways to "start the year with a bang", I spent the whole day huddled on my couch trying to sleep the flu off. It's pretty much the end of the day now and I am determined to make plans for the new year.

Looking back at the past year, I guess I've achieved some and missed most:

ARIELA'S 2014 GOALS

01. Jaw surgery 2014

02. Take my next German exam (Nope)

03. Read the whole Bible through (Still got about half to go)

04. Travel out at least onceJapan, HK

05. Receive at least one award this yearSPA

06. Keep on top of my springcleaning plans - clear one area a month (Nope)

07. Finish a half marathon (Nope)

08. Get to the next business achievement bracket (Goal:3GAV) (Nope)

09. Get involved in food sustainability efforts Got connected with SDO.

10. Be more open to people. Meet new people. Make new friends. New church, new cell group.

11. Get back to 48kg and stay there. No more excuses (Nope)

12. Make a list of intl friends and keep in touch (Nope)

13. Read 12 books (Maybe, I'm not sure)

14. Take the GREs - even if not for grad sch, then at least for some closure (Nope)

And this was what I thought the years ahead would plan out to be:

REWARDS & MILESTONES

Oct14: Gym, 52Kg, Tioman Birthday (Nope. Nope. Nope.)

Nov14: 16Nov Run for Hope 10K, Hunger Games 20Nov! Watched the hunger games, but couldn't run.)

Dec14: 7 Dec 21K Half Marathon (Postponed to 2015)

Jan15: Hiking Trip (Doesn't look like it now unless I can find friends to go with.)

Apr15: Fencing (I'm starting earlier.)

Jun15: Portfolio Shoot (Not ready)

Oct15: Germany (Yes. I shall.)

Summer16: England & Agape/YWAM (Maybe earlier) 

Jul16: Graduation (Nope, not anymore now that I've deregistered from grad school)

I guess the craziness at work stole more away from me than I expected. I also gave up graduate school because I was too overwhelmed by work (again).

There used to be a saying that Singaporeans focused a lot on the 5Cs in life (Cash, Car, Condo, Country Club Membership, Credit Card) mainly as a rhetoric to how materialistic we can be. In 2012, the main newspaper in Singapore reported a shift in the definition of the 5Cs to Control, Confidence, Community, Career, and a Can-do Attitude...propaganda if you ask me. I guess I have my own set of "C"s this year too - Community, Companionship, and Career, being three of them.

The new goals for the year ahead are in the side bar...including the new milestones. I have fewer goals this year... some of which I have to work quite hard at. Here's to an awesome 2015 - a better year, with many beautiful memories.

Day 10 - Pain pills, the basic essentials, and plans!

Pain Level: 2, though it was something like 4 or 5 last night - I don't really know if it's the surgical hooks or the stitches anymore, but they stung so much last night that I had to take another painkiller. I'm also starting to feel the aches of sleeping in the incline position for the past couple of days. My upper back is starting to feel a little sore.

Swelling: I think I can see a little bit of a shadow of my cheekbones now! Just a hint.

Other weirdness: Ears still feel blocked....though it feels less blocked than yesterday. (Does that make sense?) 

Mood: A little wary about the pain in my upper lip. Hopeful that it will be a restful, but productive day.

Last night was probably one of the heights of my pain so far in the past ten days. Somehow the back of my upper lip stung SO much I just had to take another painkiller. I did find my dental wax sometime in the evening though and I tried to put them on the hooks, but instead of making life happy again, the pain got worse. I'm not sure if it's now a combination of pain from the hooks and the surgical stitch right above my front teeth, but putting the dental wax in - even though it probably only pushed my lips outward by a single millimeter - made it hurt so much worse. So I took them out and took the painkiller.

My "happy" pills
Antibiotic - Augmentin
Painkiller - Paracetamol Codeine
For Swelling - Arcoxia

 I was only prescribed three types of pills - an antibiotic, painkillers, and one for swelling. They only gave me the one for swelling for a course of the first five days, and the antibiotics were prescribed for two weeks (to be taken twice a day), and the painkillers (to be taken three times a day, two tablets at a time). I'm not quite a person who enjoys reliance on medication, but understand the importance of them, so I'm really disciplined with my antibiotics and the pills for swelling. I thought the prescription of two painkillers three times a day was a little bit of an overkill though, so I have been limiting it to one in the morning, and one at night. Yesterday night was the only time I've taken two at a time. I'm still going to try to stick with the "two painkillers only a day" regime though. Please be kind, stitches/hooks. :(

I suppose the best way to overcome is to count one's blessings, so I shall! I'm just glad that I can swallow these and I no longer need to take them crushed! (Thanks to a kind soul who left a comment on one of my posts when I was so depressed about taking crushed meds. Thanks Wendy!)

Here are some "flashback" pics:

The Dark Days...
I really dislike you, pill crusher.
You were the bringer of sadness and depression. 

This has been my "bedside table" for the past couple of days.
4 syringes - for water, milks, meds (which later became for food), and gargle (which I no longer use).
Other things there is just water, nasal drops, and my lip ointment.

I think my body is getting a bit tired of sleeping propped up too and my upper back is complaining a bit. It feels a little raw today and I'm a little concerned about developing bed sores. Cosurgeonman told me that a lot of people who stayed in hospitals too long developed them. I'm determine not to let extra stuff like that befall me, so I'm going to find a new way to sleep tonight. Somehow.

Other than the similar need to sleep on an incline, I'm starting to think that my experience with jaw surgery so far has been quite different from the experiences of others that I've read. I don't mean to be rude, but the other experiences I have read seem to have been very very dramatic somewhat compared to what I have gone through so far. I somehow don't have a splint, so I don't have splint issues. Though I do feel nauseous at times, I haven't vomited at all. I don't have jaw jerks and stuff like that. I have only drooled unknowingly but once the first time I had a long chat at home about work. I was swollen, but not so bad that I couldn't open my eyes. I had bruises, but they mainly went yellow and are fading. And I didn't have to purchase a whole shopping list of items to get me through this... I mean, there are some really extensive lists out there. I think my essentials so far have been:

My happy, pink
Kodomo Baby Toothbrush
It's so tiny! :)
But has been tremendously helpful. <3

Stuff that I'm glad I bought/brought with me:

1. Baby toothbrush
2. Hot/cold gel packs
3. Facial wipes (Specifically, the BioOil one which has healing properties for scars and to prevent/heal stretchmarks)
4. My little lion stuffed toy for encouragement

I actually think that's about it. Everything else I needed (Ensure, syringes, medicated lip ointment, mouthwash...) was prescribed/given by the hospital. Or perhaps it's just my personality of "just essentials". (Although I did buy a few other things that I really have no use for now including - organic lip balm, extra can of Ensure, wet wipes, Vicks nasal decongestant.)

Hmmm... Maybe I've been blessed with a smoother journey cause of Singapore's warmer and more humid climate, or maybe it's because I just had a really great team of my ortho and awesome surgeons, or perhaps it's just that I have a very strong group of people who cover me in prayer. I should be thankful right? Okay...thank you Lord for your kindness to me on this journey. :)

I'm a little sad though that pretty much everyone on my blogroll now has stopped blogging/had their surgeries so long ago that it's now become more of a "Q&A" or informative site. I also can't seem to find anyone else who recently got a jaw surgery done and are blogging their journey too. I think it'd be fun to journey together with others at the same stage as me... perhaps blogging is so passe now that people just don't do it anymore. Ah well, it helps me cope, so I'm sticking to it.

It seems that I've started a habit of blogging twice a day - one to start the morning, and another to close the day. I do imagine that I'll start tapering off when life gets back to normality, or that I'll just be switching to other topics in life, but in the meantime this is working well for me. :)

This morning, I decided two things

1. That I should make it a habit to write up a "work plan" every day so I keep productive in life, and
2. That I should really research an exercise regime of some sort because I'm losing weight and I  think I'm losing mainly a lot of muscle and water... and I don't want to end up at the end of two months skin, bones and fats!

So here goes...

Plan for the day

1. Research and decide on a daily light stretch/tone regime
2. Drink milk and prune juice somewhere in the day
3. Write important work letter
4. Relook at graduate school essay submissions
5. Organize work stuff on table
6. <maybe> Clear personal finance stuff
7. <maybe> Finally finish the Day 1-2 post that is 70% done

Wish me luck! :)

Closing Day 9: Upset stomach, clawing surgical hooks, and new foods.

Pain Level: 3 - The surgical hooks are clawing into the back of my lips which are now very raw, and I can't find my dental wax. :(

Swelling: I think it's gone up a bit after the bumpy ride and attempts to talk...that and the clawing of the surgical hooks.

Other weirdness: Ears still feel blocked. Back of jaws feel really tight after a really bumpy ride out to the supermarket. :(

Mood: Was weak almost all day because of the spoiled corn soup. A little frustrated.

Something happened to me after I consumed the 40mls of soup this morning. I think it had gone bad because I developed a bad case of an upset stomach. I didn't have toilet troubles, but I felt like all my energy was sapped from me. Everytime I got up, I got dizzy spells. I thought I was going to faint on at least four occasions throughout the day. I tried hard to stave off the tiredness for the time when my aunt and cousin came by (which actually turned out quite okay), but when it was over, I completely went to sleep for something like 5 or 6 hours.

I could barely eat anything, but forced myself to drink a cup of water with Redoxon, and later, half a bottle of Yakult - in hopes to settle my stomach and hopefully get some energy from the sugars. When 6pm hit I decided I needed to force myself to get out and go to the supermarket to hopefully find more substantial foods - somehow after the bad corn soup incident this morning, I just could not imagine myself taking anymore soup. I was also really tired of sweet fruit juices... and just couldn't think of anything else I would/could eat.

So I went out to the supermarket with my sister.

And as I had experienced before, travelling out with all the bumps in the road really drained me out by the time I reached the supermarket. But I decided to stay positive and hunted for edibles... and this was my haul:

Multigrain Os, Fibre Biscuits, Vegetable Puffs
100% peanut butter, 100% almond butter
and NUTELLA! <3

Pretty much everything was found in the organic aisle because:

1. Being in my current state makes me very concerned about all sorts of health things.
2. I couldn't go up to the biscuits section on the second floor because there were only two ways up -  by travellator (which incline and vibrations somehow make me queasy) and a wheelchair only lift (which made me feel weird because I'm not in a wheelchair).

It's an interesting season I am in of going back to healthfoods and label-reading. I used to be really conscious of these things in the past. But I guess this is also somewhat my natural self because eating healthfoods makes me happy. :) 

Interesting note: Did you know that every other brand of peanut butter on the shelf had all sorts of bad stuff in it? Pretty much every one of them had all sorts of hydrogenated oils, gums, emulsifiers.... in them. Adam's was the only brand that just read "Peanuts" (for the unsalted one). The one I bought has salt so it just read "Peanuts, Salt" on the ingredients list. I'm actually a crunchy peanut butter person, but I just kept thinking that I'd choke on the ones with bits. So creamy it is.

Yes yes, I also bought the Nutella because I figured that it might make me happy on some days... even though I don't think I'm going to be able to successfully get it in my syringe.

My plan for consuming the peanut and almond butters, as well as the nutella, was to maybe purchase something similar to a small ice-cream stick - maybe an orange stick - and use it as a small serving spoon of some sort...if I can fit in through my teeth, that is. The other three are meant to be soaked and made mushy. I figured I needed more carbohydrates and vegetables in my diet.

I tried to fit one of those vegetable puffs between my teeth tonight and it was so tiring (because they turned out to be 0.5 cm thick, whilst I can only open about 0.3cm between my teeth) and there was no pleasure in it being slowly disintegrated at the back of my mouth. It was pretty depressing.

Still! At least I have some rations now after a few weeks or something.

I made the effort, I'm proud of myself today. :)

Apparently tomorrow - Day 10 - is when my jaw will be the most fragile so I'm going to stay home and try to take as much milk as possible.

High point of the day:
Received sunflowers from my aunt! Plus I successfully made a food trip out and am making the effort to try to put more calories in my body!
Low point of the day:
Getting sick from soup at breakfast. Having my surgical hooks constantly digging into the back of my lips. :( It hurts! :( I need to get dental wax stat.

Food Report

Breakfast

• 40mls of corn soup...that was bad. :(

Lunch

• About 100mls of water with a Redoxon tablet
• 60mls of Yakult

Dinner

• About 60mls of fresh mango juice.
• Three vegetable puffs. (My jaw just couldn't take any more than 3.)

Come alive

Probably why I'm up
writing at this time.

Sundays are officially my favorite day of the week. After an emotionally exhausting week starting with me trying to tie everything up before my op which was scheduled on Friday, then experiencing the roller coaster ride of the autologous, the eventual postponing of my op, the frustrated redirected attention to work, and the eventual acceptance of the situation... I really needed some R&R. And relax I did - by pretty much sleeping the entire day.

And it felt SO good.

I've been having some interesting conversations this week though - including one with my best friend who is considering setting up a social enterprise, and another tonight with my parents about the future of the family business. What these conversations have done was to make me rethink what I want to do with my life and what makes me happy.

And the answers all came back to the same thing - the love I have for developing and inspiring people; especially university kids.

Ironically, this is what the boy
sent me once to encourage me.

There is a saying I've come across that sounded like "Never give up your dreams for a man" .. Which probably had some follow-up clause about how a good man would spur you on toward them, but that's what I did  with  my "become a professor and  change the world by inspiring the next generation of world leaders" dream. And gosh, is it tough to convince myself otherwise when I have made up my mind.

Getting back to the dream is going to take some serious work. It's going to require a lot of planning and a lot more soul-searching. For years on end , I've postponed trying out for anything because I never knew what I wanted to learn at a graduate school level, or even what I was passionate enough about to devote my life to researching, writing about, and teaching.

Even though I run a business, sometime last week I had an epiphany in my car that "No, I don't think I'd like to teach the next generation about business concepts like marketing and finance." And it was a relief that at least one option was struck off my list. So I guess I'm down to two things - sustainability, issues, and policy making - both of which might just overlap into something really awesome.

I did do a preliminary search for a good post-grad course in sustainability and I found one in the UK - my third place in the world I'd call "home" (after that of Singapore and the Doulos). It's a little dream of mine to study/work in the UK for a while and it was really exciting to read. Earlier this week, I had also heard a BBC report that 1 in 10 British youth feel that they have nothing to live for, a report that really saddened me.

I guess now with the rescheduled surgery (and healing time), I just have to plan my year again. Perhaps these 4 months of waiting will do a bit of good in charting my course on more solid ground.

Come on 2014, come alive with me this year!

growing up.

It's interesting how life changes when one door closes and you start wondering, "What the 'ell do I have left?!" You putter about life, mumbling and bumbling, then one day you finally realize, "Oh."

For the past two days, I've been attending this:

I was actually deeply privileged to be part of the Young Leaders' Forum.

And gosh, it has been such an eye-opener.

From the energy crisis to food security, agriculture and forestry to sustainable cities, being in the company of so many amazing visionaries and concerned global citizens - from governmental ministries, to energy conservationists and people in the public and private sectors involved with all sorts of things like water and carbon credits - has been most inspiring. The ideas and concerns shared, as well as the visions-casted... I don't know how to even express how awesome it was to know that there were people who have invested their lives in issues so epically and fundamentally meaningful. From the panels, to the working groups, to the presentations, and sharing about international talks with the UN and between countries in the area of sustainability... it's been a long time since I felt so deeply inspired that I could be part of something so much bigger than myself. It was awesome, and very humbling to have been invited and...simply having been given the opportunity to be there.

The reason I attended was simply because I have been interested in the issues of food waste for a while now - of which I recently opened a blog space to store all my random bits of research, but simply haven't had the time to look into (what with work, the mad year-end rush, plus two Coursera and two EdX courses) - and this was my opportunity to try to get like-minded people to come together and come up with solutions for this huge problem in my industry that I care about. The results of my attendance with regards to the meeting of that goal was probably mixed. I'm not sure if I have found the right people to work with, or met the appropriate parties to point me in the right direction, but I hope to be able to work out something that will make a difference - at least in my small, maybe big, way in my industry.

It seems like as I enter into a new phase in life, my life has begun to revolve around work and growing the business, looking into issues and participating in groups that I care about, and spending a little more time and effort into friends, family, as well as investing in the lives of my staff...Oh, that and taking care of myself. The issues that I've been learning that I care very much about are in that of leadership (in my own capacity at work, in the realm of family businesses, in the stewardship of spheres of influence, and in women), productivity (in our operations and that of people-development), and sustainability (mainly environmental concerns). And in taking care of myself, it's mainly been about education - which means reading lots of books and taking a lot of educational courses.

 It's weird, but I feel like I have grown up a little.

I wonder what life is going to be like after the surgery. I've heard a lot of mixed anecdotes about how people do, and don't, change after their jaw surgeries. I don't know how to describe it, but part of me feels like something more than my jaw is going to break within me. Is that weird?

Weird how I never noticed that I
 had a mis-aligned jaw until my eyes
were"opened" and trained to see
what the dentists saw. :(

Later today, I'm going to meet my co-surgeon who will be working with my amazing Surgeonman during the surgery. We're going to take more X-rays, and moulds I believe...and hopefully Cosurgman (Co-surgeon man) will be able to give me a little more details about the surgery... I mean, I'm amazed when I read jaw surgery blogs and all of them seem to know exactly how many millimeters, what way, and how, their upper or lower jaws are going to be moved! For me it has really been a very simple "I have an impending jaw problem. I need to fix it. I'll find the best surgeon. He connects me to the best people. I figure out the costs. I trust them, and don't need to know all the minute details. I'll just show up." kinda thing. But I suppose it doesn't hurt to know a little more - just for a little post-surgery trivia perhaps.

On other interesting notes, apparently Surgeonman told me that they actually do a "mock-surgery" together before the real surgery so that they will have "practiced" before the real deal. (Amazing isn't it?!) And yes, I know, there seems to be like, SO many men involved in my surgery. But I really thank God for all of them. I don't think I've ever had the jitters when I have been with any of them. I think I've only gotten the little ones when I'm alone and allow my silly mind to wander about strange things. I guess I'm a little excited, but kinda afraid to meet Cosurgman - I blame it on stranger anxiety. I hope he's nice. I think I'd be a little sad if I had three nice amazing guys (Surgeonman, Consultman, and Orthoman), and one scary Cosurgman on my team - I might just freak out. Okay, stop! Stop running, thoughts! Stay calm, everything is going to be alright!

Just a few days left of November, and then I'd be in my last month before the surgery!

Lord, please help keep me healthy and really really productive with work so that I will have complete peace when the time comes!

setting some financial goals

Part of my Becoming Ariela lifestyle revamp has included that of getting my finances straight and I've been investing quite a bit of time recently trying to understand all the different financey stuff (which honestly, hasn't been the easiest thing I've ever done; considering that I struggle with math phobia). Still, because of its importance, I've decided to just get my butt into it and have begun the journey. My learning plan so far has basically been that of downloading a Personal Finance course off iTunesU, and basically following the "homework" from each class.

It's quite interesting really - this change from listening to the radio, to having really productive learning time whilst on my drives between places. The class has made me think a lot about my personal finances, and my latest assignment has been that of calculating my net worth (determining what is my current financial situation) as well as that of setting seven financial goals (one of which has to be non-financial, apparently).

Just yesterday, I went surfing for information on one of my life-goals which I've always wanted to achieve - to purchase a house for my parents. And this is not just any house, but a very specific house which we used to live in when we were kids - to which my father sold away in order to help a friend (yes, tis' the kind-heartedness of my father). You see, this house is really important to me because of the story of it in my family -  to which I know that my dad made a promise which he thought he would have been able to keep (if only his friend didn't run away with the money), which was that he would buy it back for my mother when the investment grew. Since I heard the story from my mum, and still remember the look on her face - which spoke of a tinge of sadness and a slight disappointment - and remembering the slight sadness and disappointment in my dad's eyes too when he reflected on those years, I knew that I HAD to get the house back. 

About a decade ago, I remember looking across the road to the bungalow I spent the first 10 years of my life in, and telling myself "I have to get this house back for my parents" as I sat on the patio of our ex-neighbours' for a Christmas party. At that time, I heard the going price was hovering around 2ish million and somehow, I remember being somewhat not too concerned about 2 million. It just didn't sound like a lot to me...perhaps I just didn't have a very good grasp of the concept of money. Still, that goal stuck and it's something I still want to do - except that yesterday, I found that the going price in that area was now at 5ish million...and some even 9ish million. I think it was knowing exactly how much I would probably have to save to gift this house to my parents, that really gave me the biggest shock to how much I really need to consider my financial plans.

I mean, where in the world am I going to be able to get that kind of money?! And as a present too! :( I was really sad yesterday because it suddenly felt all the more unachievable, but I'm just going to have to find a way! Then there's the possibility that I might (maybe) eventually get married, the cost of a wedding in Singapore is apparently about 35-85K, plus a house perhaps - which is now around 400-500K if I get a basic place... Gosh, I have SO much work to do!

Currently, here are my seven financial goals (including one "non-financial" one as according to my iTunesU professor). I had to adjust one of my goals this year (to pay off my student debt by the end of the year) to in order to take care of those that are more urgent and important now:

1. Get back to 48kilos by 31 Dec 2013 (this is my non-financial goal) (Short Term)
• Run every morning between 5am-6am, 6 days a week. 
• Go for a walk/hike/swim/something sporty on Saturdays.
• Join a pilates class. Seriously, do it already.
2. Get educated about finance, insurance and asset management (Short-Mid Term)
• Finish iTunes U course on personal finance
• Read a book or two on Insurance and Asset Management 
• Consider taking up the CFA exam, just for kicks...and so I have a structured learning plan. Going to meet up with my financial adviser and ask her for advice.
3. Save up for jaw surgery (est. 20K needed in June 2014) (Short Term)
• Saving at least $1000 per month. 
• Cut down personal spending to $200 a month (of which $110 already goes to my braces). 
• Increase income, negotiate contracts.
4. Increase income (Short-Mid Term)
• Increase main income stream. Increase main basic salary, or add a sales component.
• Get a secondary, and maybe tertiary source of income by end of the year - perhaps one of which is a passive one.
• Invest $100/month in something with a good ROI.
5. Pay off student debt by end of 2015 (Mid Term)
• Pay off in $200 installments monthly.
6. Save up $500K for probable life-events that might happen in the next 5-10 years (marriage, kids, house...) (Mid Term)
• Need to save $1.7K per month for next 5 years (if I start next year, and not get married till 5 years later...which means I'll be like...old by then). =_=
7. Purchase house for parents by 2020 (which might then be worth like, 7-8 mio? then) (Long Term)
• Need to save $10-15K per month for 6 years (if I start next year). OMG, how is this going to happen?! I'm actually even sad that it's over a 6 year period...I mean, how much longer will my parents be able to enjoy that house even if I purchase it?! :( I would love to purchase it sooner.
• Find out current market price (I shall write a letter to them and hope they respond to me. I don't know how it's going to work, but I will try because it's a dream for me.)

Saw this online, and it really looks
a little like my old place... gonna call
the agent tomorrow and ask.

Looks like next year onwards is going to be a killer year for me if I really want to achieve some of these goals - which looks like I will have to be saving something like $15K per month...which is probably only achievable if I'm earning $20K monthly...which I don't think is really that impossible if I plan ahead and work hard to ensure that the business does well enough to be able to support that. But still... gosh. Are these goals really realistic or achievable?

Lord, give me the wisdom and favour to be able to accomplish my financial goals somehow, and that I can bless my parents in a way that I cannot even imagine achieving!

Ariela Overhaul

Just do it.

don't bite off more than you can chew

Okay, I gotta be realistic now. I don't have all the time or the brain capacity in the world to do everything all at once.

Current

EDX:7.00x Intro to Biology (5 Mar) * No time.

EDX:14.73x Challenges of Global Poverty (12 Feb) One of the most interesting classes ever. I need more time though!

CSA:  Property & Liability: An Introduction to Law & Economics (18 Mar)  Too much to absorb. I'll pick up in my Law and Entrepreneur class.

Upcoming

EDX: Stat 2.2 Introduction to Stats (12 Apr) I'm just not ready.

CSA: Introduction to Ops Mgmt (29 Apr) Important for work.

CSA: Generating the Wealth of Nations (29 Apr) Important for my rural entre. project.

CSA: Smart Growth for Private Business (29 Apr) *  I'll go for a the first few classes and see how this feels.

CSA: Inspiring Leadership through EI (1 May) Not really a priority right now.

EDX:PH278x Human Health & Global Env Change (15 May) * Interesting topic just for general interest.

CSA: English Common Law: Structure & Principles (June) Pretty important to at least know the basics.

CSA: Introduction to Finance (3 June) Foundational stuff.

EDX:UT.3.01x Age of Globalization (1 Sep) * I'm interested in the building of national identity part, but it may just be another Sociology 101.

CSA: New Models of Business in Society (2 Sep) Interesting, will prolly go for a few classes to see what it's about.

EDX: UT 4.01x Impact of Drug Development (16 Sep) * Just general interest, but not a priority.

CSA: Law & The Entrepreneur (TBC) Foundational.

CSA: The Science of Gastronomy (TBC) * Might help in my work, but yeah...I'm not a big fan. We'll see.
CSA: An Introduction to the US Food System: Perspectives from Public Health (TBC) Public Policy stuff...might open my eyes to new perspectives.

Okay, I'm gonna have to put this in my sidebar so I don't forget.
Somehow, enrolling into these classes have affected my motivation at work a little - because I so much rather be studying than working. Gotta kick myself out of such thinking and remember the person that I called to become and be a good steward of the position the Lord has put me in.

Life is fleeting, make it count.

goal focus: bahasa indonesia

Okay, I know the word should be "speak".
I didn't make it, it just came like that.

Google Calendar tells me that today will be the first day of my new language class in Bahasa Indonesia. Yay! One more thing to strike off the annual goals for the year. It's a 3 month course though...so I hope I'll be able to really persevere all the way through - so that it really counts. I still have my German and Japanese classes and exams to take along the way, but right now I'm just inching into the goals one step at a time.

Somehow, my determination to follow through with my goals for the year has surprised me...even though the efforts toward the achievement of few of them are still a little lacking, I know that I will somewhat make it there.

goal focus

It's amazing how powerful the setting of resolutions can be. I know a ton of people who would diss the idea, and it seems that the new trend nowadays is to set the resolution of not setting any instead. I guess that idea never quite flew for me because I always believed in spending time at the end of a year and charting your desired road ahead; including what steps you'd like to take in reaching that self-actualizing goal... and how fulfilling it would be to know that at the end of the year, you'll be able to look back and really consider all that you've put in for the year - and that your one year of life was well-lived.

This year I've been pretty on-task with my goals. It seems like I've found myself really pushing myself through meeting them one by one, with the desire to see, if not all, then at least 50%-70% of them met. It's quite exciting really to see the little steps that I'm taking to slowly cross them out. I suppose it helps to see them quite frequently on my blogs that I am constantly reminded of them and why they are important to me.

Just two days ago, I got back from a trip to Thailand with some friends - probably something I might not have agreed to if I didn't have the resolution to travel out at least once this year. And today, I signed up for my Bahasa Indonesia class that I've been wanting to go for for a while now. And tomorrow,  I think I'll also send out my volunteer form to KKH for the children's ward to see how I can serve the children there...just like I did a little more than 10 years ago with the children at Assisi Home and Hospice. It's truly amazing to just give your time and love to these children whom, I believe, often have so much more courage than me.

Tomorrow, I'm also going to try to start running. I keep telling myself "tomorrow, tomorrow" and now instead of the "130" days I had on my marathon countdown ticker at the start, I'm left with less than 80 to the marathon and it is more shameful than you can imagine how I have been procrastinating. For the next 3 months, I'm going to shelve everything aside and focus on marathon training. I really want to cross that off the list. I really don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will. No matter how hard, or painful, I will cross that finish line. I have to do it for myself.

Route is out! Time to focus!