Whole30 Journey: Dark Days?

Lunch today:
Grilled chicken with some baked sweet potatoes with a side of
fresh raspberries, mangoes and salad leaves. :)

W30 Day 9
Can't believe I could be at Day 20 if I didn't have to keep restarting. >_>

How I'm feeling: 
Sticky from a walk (and random aerobic exercise in the park) earlier this evening... and sleepless cause I just ate some homemade sweet potato crisps, a couple of mango cubes, and a bunch of cashews.

W30 Dark Days?
I'm not too sure, but I think I've gone down a dark road since my two overnighters at the office this past week...that, coupled with the comments on weight loss and seeing the numbers at my recent health check... something has changed.

As much as I'm still treasuring the discipline and all that has come from doing the W30, somehow the comments about my weight loss has shifted something in my psyche to be very much conscious about that indirect resultant part of this journey - which was not my initial intent. Anxiousness about work has also thrown me off and I'm back to sleeping at 2am in the morning. :( This is not good. I have to somehow reset this. My focus was about health, regaining control over different areas of my life, and just...getting life back on a happy road again. :/ Okay, I'm going to focus on getting back into momentum again this week.

Food wise I've still been pretty disciplined though.
I went back to Parkway this week and picked up two more Larabars. Bought some seaweed, asparagus and restocked on my organic mulberries (that I now really love to snack on) :). I just need to get into the momentum of three square meals. It seems tough to 1) not miss meals at work, and 2) not to snack.

But I'm going to try.

I've decided that I'm also going to try to chill a little more, and try to "get a life" more.
Things at work are still crazy and terrifying, but I'm choosing to prioritize things that ALSO matter to me. Things like family, my relationships with my friends, my relationship with God, trying to get more integrated into church-life, practicing my German and prepping myself for other languages I want to pick up... stuff like that.

This W30 process has made me start thinking about my "ideal life" vs life as it is now.... as well as my "ideal self" vs who I am right now. I guess physically I'm on the right path... but emotionally and intellectually, I seem to have shelved a lot of things for my work. There were/are a lot of things that matter to me - climate change, animal welfare, making a difference in the lives of others, learning languages, living simply and efficiently (if that doesn't sound too weird). I guess part of me is starting to realize that I have to care for myself too.

Life is not all about work and scary life things.
I need to remember that - and focus on that.

Okay, it's past 1 am. Time to hit the shower and hopefully catch some shut eye.
It's Monday tomorrow. It's the start of a new week.

God, please give me the grace, favour, and wisdom to weather this season through.

Whole30 Journey: I have good news!

But first, the mandatory food pic. :)

Smoked Salmon with two delicious blistered eggs
with a side of fresh cherry tomatoes and blackberries. <3

THE GOOD NEWS

My blood test results came back and my thyroid is apparently working again. Some of the numbers are a little high, but they have entered "normal" ranges! I am happy! NO MORE MEDS!

I told the doctor that it might be because I eliminated all allergens out of my diet. (I tried to make it simple... although it's a little inaccurate because other things like eggs are technically allergens too), but he said it was unlikely and it was more likely due to a reduction in stress. I'm not sure about that, but perhaps it's an indirect cause - like because of the W30, I'm a lot more disciplined in my sleeping times and meals I eat, which has resulted in a more operational body.

Unfortunately I had to pull two all-nighters this week that has messed up that pattern a bit, and I'm back to feeling tired and slightly irritable. I feel like I need a lot more sleep to recover from the all-nighters.

INTERESTING THINGS

One thing about my med checkup was that I had to take my weight for the checkup - just for them to monitor me or something. I couldn't resist so I took a peek at my weight. Turns out from the time I was sick to now (after almost 2 weeks of on-off Whole30) I have lost something like almost 10 kilograms (which translates to 22 pounds). It sounds like a lot, but I'm pretty used to my body fluctuating up and down really easily and quickly - which is not necessarily a good thing.

But hey, I'm not complaining.
I'm not going to be measuring my weight again anytime soon... maybe in 4 months when I have to go for another checkup.

But for now, I'm just going to focus on enjoying my food, getting enough rest, and being disciplined in the areas of my life I want to ideally be disciplined in. And maybe I'll just "track my progress" by how I'm fitting better into my clothes again. I have this huge section in my wardrobe I used to be able to fit into before depression+hypothyroid (whichever came first), so I'm just looking forward to being able to wear some of my favourite things again. :)

IRRITATING THINGS

I didn't realize that sugarfree mints are out of the Whole30. >_<
I don't want to restart this again, so I'm going to just say I'm doing a Whole60 or something now.
This is just ridiculous constantly saying "okay great, I'm back to Day One". It makes one feel like some total dud.

I wonder if it was the rubbish in the mints making me feel rubbishy though. But I generally don't feel so good.

Anyway, we're now at Day 8 (I think).
I'm tired, so let's just get to food.

STUFF I'VE BEEN EATING

I marinated some chicken overnight in olive oil, garlic powder, black pepper, paprika and some herbs.
Just grilled it up in the morning and put it over some blanched broccoli. Was pretty good.

It's apparently cherries season. :)
This was a happy lunch.

I LOVE smoked salmon.
I just wish I could have it with some cream cheese and dill though.
I miss those flavour and texture combinations.

This was just some stir fried white button mushrooms with cherry tomatoes
with sliced Japanese cucumbers and smoked salmon.

Thought to just put this here because these were the only two brands I could find without "sugar"
in the ingredients list. I never knew they sometimes used sugar in smoked salmon.
How interesting huh?

That's about it for today. I need a nap...
And I also need to throw out my breathmints. :(

Whole30 Journey: More shopping and home-cooked tuna cakes :)

Yay! Tuna Cake success!
Recipe Below.

How I'm feeling:

Peaceful

Sunday

Breakfast: 

Tuna Cakes with half an avocado and some tomato

Lunch: 

Lemongrass tea

Snack: 

A small apple and some cashews

Dinner:

Leftover breakfast :)

Monday

Breakfast: 

Tuna Cake Sushi - Tuna with Alfalfa and Cherry Tomatoes rolled in roasted seaweed

Some pineapple slices

Lunch: 

Green Tea

Dinner:

Carrot Cake LaraBar (so delish!)

Tuna seaweed roll with cherry tomatoes (I ran out of alfalfa >_<)

I have to say I had a really good weekend. One solid "me-time" weekend (even though I popped into office for just a little bit on Saturday). I haven't had a solid weekend to myself in a really long time. Perhaps it's this awareness that I have to take care of my health that I've started realizing the importance of taking care of other areas of my life too. Work has somehow now taken a secondary place in my life. Stuff needs to get done, yes, but health needs to come first.

The discipline that has come with doing the Whole 30 has helped me tremendously in this I suppose. I've become more aware of the things I eat and of getting some exercise into my daily routine...even though it's mainly been just walking.

I pretty much spent most of my Saturday with my father (which I really appreciated because I haven't spent time with him in a REALLY long time). We just went out and I tried to teach him about nutrition along the way. He's really been struggling with this new daily routine of having to take heart and diabetic pills after his heart attack. It pretty much demands a lifestyle change that's totally unfamiliar to him. He has never really had to take pills in his life. I suppose it doesn't help either that his favourite foods are amongst the likes of chicken rice, char kway teow, and prata (standard delicious Singaporean fare).

So I've finished the Whole30 book (though I think the first book - "It Starts with Food" - was a much more useful "left-brain" kinda book for me) and I've left it with my mother in hopes that her understanding of nutrition will also help influence the foods we choose to put in our house. I'm hoping it will educate her a little so she will stop eating really unhealthy things like Fish & Chips and letting my dad gobble up her leftovers. I really worry for his health a lot. I love my dad and would like him to live a long time. <3

Sunday was an awesome day of spending time with girlfriends and supermarket shopping at Parkway Parade!

I think since the Whole30, I've been obsessed with supermarkets and what my food options are. I didn't get to pick up the canned mushrooms and bamboo shoots because they were too heavy for me to lug around, but I got a whole ton of other stuff. I can't wait to get my hands on some bamboo shoots though! I miss eating crunchy non-nuts things. :)

Here's some pics from my Sunday shopping trip and my haul!

I got them from Cold Storage, Fish Mart Sakuraya, and this awesome store called Four Seasons Organic Market. They're all at the basement of Parkway Parade in Katong. :) I was a happy girl.

Here's Four Seasons Organic Market.
I was happy with all the options!
It was like a little paradise for me... but you still gotta read your labels here.

I wasn't sure if I could eat this, but I took a picture anyway just for reference. 

This place has the largest variety of LaraBars that I have seen in Singapore so far. :)
Hurrah! Gold mine!

They had other brand options too but it seemed only "The Primal Pantry" ones that were Whole30 compliant.

I've been wanting seaweed so I bought some to make some non-grain sushi. :)
Only the Roasted ones were compliant. All the 'Seasoned Seaweed"s had sugar and soy in them.
I did see one seasoned seaweed in the Korean market that was made with only Sesame Oil,
but that's grey area I don't want to play in.

Here's my final haul for the day (other than the seaweed).
The bars and the coconut slices were from Four Seasons, the cocoa was from Cold Storage.

These were from Cold Storage! Don't they sound delicious? Not to mention they were on clearance...
but it turns out that sprouted flaxseed is not really Whole30 so I had to give it away. :(

STUFF I COOKED/ATE

This was the making of my Tuna Cakes.
In there I have:

1 can of tuna chunks in olive oil (drained)
5 cloves of garlic (finely diced)
1 medium onion (diced)
1 large stalk of celery (diced)
About half a cup of coconut flour
Paprika
Garlic Powder
Cracked Black Pepper
2 eggs

It tasted...mainly of coconut at first, but the garlic powder (not salt!) and the paprika evened it out.
I need to have a less pungent binder. Maybe I'll try with less coconut flour and more egg next time.

This was what my plate looked like. It was SO filling.
I actually was full at that first cake and some avocado later.

This was what I totally couldn't eat anymore.
I think I definitely should have stopped earlier.
Interestingly, I thought the hot sauce spoiled the natural flavours so I didn't quite touch it in the end.

This was breakfast this morning.
I LOVE seaweed and I thought to make things more interesting today.

I definitely miss sushi, but this will have to do. And it was pretty good actually.
I think it'd have tasted better with some avocado...or cheese. I miss cheese. >_<

This was my delicious Carrot Cake LaraBar.
I love it that I can actually see bits of carrot in it. :)

PHYSICAL WINS

I've been waking up at about 7ish am in the morning that hasn't happened for a long time. I believe the quality of my sleep has also improved. I slept in for an hour more this morning though... but I think it was more of a Monday-morning thing. Also cause I could. :)

Another interesting (and hopefully not TMI) thing that I've noticed is that it seems my toilet-time regularity has improved. It looks like my body now knows to empty itself of waste first thing in the morning. I used to be constipated for a couple of days and probably averaged number 2s something like 3 times a week? So I suppose it's quite nice to have a daily "emptying" in the morning for the past few days. It's a nice start to the day.

The first week of me embarking on the Whole 30 saw me having some weird tummy troubles, but I wasn't sure if it was because of my flu. But anyway, I'm glad that that has kinda cleared up.

WEIRD THINGS

A friend I met yesterday said I was looking "pale". I didn't think that it was too much of a compliment. I thought I was supposed to have rosy cheeks or something with the clean eating. Maybe it's just a process. :)

I've gotten two bumps on my back. I don't think they are "back pimples" but I really hope not. I haven't ever gotten things like that in my life. In fact I've probably only ever gotten like 2 pimples in my life, so this is really weird for me. Please go away soon!

CHALLENGES

I know I'm supposed to be eating three square meals a day, but I realized that that part of discipline has been really hard for me - especially at work. Thing is, I usually have breakfast around 10am and somehow this new "protein-loading" in the morning keeps me full for a really long time...and when it hits something like 4 or 5pm, it's pretty much almost dinner time so I usually just have a snack (which I know is not supposed to be allowed) or weather it out till dinner. I'm going to perhaps try to plan to eat a smaller breakfast and see how that works out. I gotta try to get my body in a rhythm. I'm just so used to a eat-"focus on work that I don't notice I'm starving"-snack cycle.

And just to be more objective, here's a category I thought would be important to add so I can check in on that progress:

STUFF I HOPE CLEARS UP BY THE END OF THIS MONTH

- Hypothyroid stuff (blood tests out in 3 days!)

- Other stuff related to autoimmune problems: scalp issues, dropping hair (stop please!), dry skin, this irritating patch on my leg, this huge random weight gain, lethargy (which seems to now be clearing up). Please go away!

To be honest, I believe it may take me closer to 3 months to really "heal up". But I whatever it is, I'm just looking forward to better health.

And cheese at the end of this.

I miss cheese.

Please body, don't be allergic to cheese.

Whole30 Journey: Supermarket shopping and happy thoughts

Breakfast today was SO good... and also really filling.
This lasted me a solid 8 hours before I started feeling peckish.

How I'm feeling: 
Happy

Sleep:
Surprisingly couldn't really get to sleep last night. I think it was because I was really anxious about work.
Either that or it could also have been that I ate some foods that probably contained some sugar and random non-Whole30 stuff (I just didn't have the heart to tell them I strictly couldn't eat certain foods). But I don't know whether it was physical responses or guilt that kept me up.

What I ate today:
Breakfast: A tomato omelette (2 eggs) topped with alfalfa, and an avocado on the side... and a little bit of DELICIOUS Frank's hot sauce.
Dinner: A small gala apple and a handful of cashews with green tea
Post-dinner: A lovely cup of tea

Today was a great day. I made it a point not to go to work in the morning and just focus on feeding myself right in the morning. I think the blood test I had to take this past week and the on-coming results next week has put me on my toes about what I'm feeding myself with.

I unfortunately just couldn't bring myself to make a stand at my dinner last night and had a little nibble of random things on the table - including sambal kangkong (ergh, shrimp), assam fish head curry (oh, it was good stuff. Though I mainly took a slice of tomato, an ocra, and some fish), beef rendang, 3 pieces of belinjau and some longtong (sigh, vegetable oil). I did have a coconut though so I had an excuse to miss dessert... and also to keep me full and happy. I have this thing about coconuts nowadays. :)

But yes, today I'm back on track. Breakfast was so wonderful that it kept me full for something like 8 hours till I finally started feel some hunger pangs and decided to have an apple and some nuts. :)

But because of the dinner last night - with all its "unknowns", I prolly have to restart. I'm restarting the Whole30 so many times, it's not funny anymore. Although I have to also say that it's pretty much come to a point that it doesn't really matter so much anymore because I'm not restarting it because of big "I NEEDED THAT MUFFIN" reasons, but more for controlled "oh, I can't really avoid that at this occasion" and "oops, I forgot that had that ingredient" reasons. And usually, I'd have only consumed very little traces of the seemingly offensive non-Whole30 ingredients. However, I'm pretty glad at how determined I am about this whole diet overhaul and I'm excited to see if these short two weeks might have made any improvement to my hypothyroid issues next week.

Right now, I'm just focusing on getting the right things in my body and just checking in on how I'm feeling physically as I change my diet. (Interestingly, I had a few days of really dry and cracked lips last week. I don't know what that was about.) Hopefully this time I'll be able to pull through 30 consecutive days. (It's surprisingly difficult if I'm going to be this strict with myself). In the meantime, I've been having a good time visiting supermarkets and trying to stock my pantry with happy Whole30 stuff..I'm just enjoying the process now. Though I have to say, shopping Whole30 can be really quite pricey. Or perhaps it has been my choices of items to stock up. These are two receipts and some pictures from my shopping escapades.

As you can see, I've been trying to head to the more "atas" supermarkets in hopes that I might find more options.

That hot sauce is awesome! Totally recommended. It's not really "hot-hot" (Singaporeans can take a lot more heat), but it works.
It's just something about the peppers and the vinegar and the salt... so good. :)
The coconut flour is a hopeful purchase that I might be able to make some delicious salmon cakes one of these days.

Saw this tea and couldn't resist. Doesn't it sound delish?!
The Larabar was a "let's try it since I'm reading so much about it" buy.
I'll prolly have it when I really need a pick-me-up. Maybe around Day 20 or something.

These are the Whole30 approved Larabars (as taken from lifehealthhq for anyone who'd like some reference).
That coconut cream pie and chocolate coconut chew sounds so good!
Sounds like Haupia. <3 I have to find them!

And here was my "biggest temptation" during supermarket shopping:

From the ingredients, they are technically fully Whole30 compliant...
except for the rule of "no cheating"... and when I put it in my basket, it felt like cheating, so I knew I had to take it out. :(

It has been an interesting process so far. A friend from Australia is in town and she made a comment that I'm looking exceptionally beautiful these days... and I didn't know what to think and basically shared with her that it might be because I've been eating clean for a few weeks. And perhaps so.

I'm going to keep a log of the things I eat these couple of days and see how things turn out.

My mood has improved though, and I'm not sleeping or feeling lethargic as much. :)
I think my focus is slowly getting back in check... maybe it's this "being in control" "disciplined" thing that helps.
Next week I'm going to start on some yoga and try to get exercise back into my routines.
I'm enjoying this process.

Whole30 Journey: Day Two

Feeling: Hungry

What I ate
Breakfast: Warm water, pineapple slices, some cashews
Lunch: Green tea, pineapple slices, some almonds
Dinner: Hopefully something more substantial. I NEED PROTEIN!

Went supermarket shopping again this morning for breakfast and it was pretty tough. I think I've somehow have it locked in my brain that I can only take fruits and nuts (which I'm actually pretty sick of), and that my protein has to be cooked at home (of which I am also sick of eggs).

I dropped by a Cold Storage in Paya Lebar this time and all I had in my basket at the end of my shopping trip was two punnets of blueberries, some pre-sliced honey pineapple slices, a box of green tea (without brown rice bits. I double checked), and four cans of tuna. (I am surprised though how much more rubbish is put into the "flaked tuna" cans. Chunks it is)

I was a little disappointed that I can't seem to find my plantain chips though. I'm starting to wonder if I should make my own, but I honestly don't have the time to cook on weekdays. :( I eventually had some pineapple and cashews for breakfast, and the rest of the pineapple with some almonds for lunch, with a glass of green tea. It doesn't sound very filling - and it wasn't. But I unfortunately don't think it's quite appropriate to make like a cat and eat canned tuna at work. I shall try to whip something up at home tomorrow morning with the avocados that have finally ripened.

Tonight's going to be a challenge as I have a dinner appointment. I have given up on trying to avoid canola oil and vegetable oil whilst eating out (it's totally impossible unless I force all my colleagues and business partners to eat at salad stops/whole30 bars which are not available in Singapore), but how do I explain sugar, soy and grain...

These are the recommended items for tonight's dinner at Tambuah Mas and the issues I'm going to have with them (other than vegetable oil in all of them):
- Tahu Telor (fried beancurd and eggs): soy, sugar, may have flour
- Rendang Lembu (beef rendang): sugar, may have flour
- Ikan Pedas (grilled seabass in banana leaves): sugar, may have soy sauce, usually too spicy to eat alone and has to be eaten with rice
- Sop Buntut (spicy ox-tail soup): may have MSG, may have soy sauce, I'm not sure about sugar
- Udang Belado (fried succulent prawns in chilli gravy): I'm allergic to prawns, definitely will have sugar
- Gado Gado (mixed vegetables with tofu, crackers and spicy peanut dressing): LOVE this dish, but tofu = soy, crackers = grain. Sigh.
- Sayur Lodeh (cabbage, long beans and beancurd in spicy coconut milk): Soy, usually has some sugar too, usually served with rice... grain.

Argh, how is this going to work out?
I definitely need some protein tonight. It's only 4pm and I'm hungry.
I technically have a right to be hungry though. After all, all my poor body has had all day has been green tea, pineapples, and a some nuts. Poor body.

On the bright side, there's a pretty decent supermarket there.
Maybe I'll be able to get some decent (non vegetable oil fried) plantain chips. I am craving crispy. :)


On other notes: 
It's "strictly" Day 2 because of all the slip ups I've had, but I technically started on this last Monday... so it "could have been" Day 12 today. I have to say that I'm pretty proud of the discipline I have been able to exercise though. It's been a long time since I've felt SO in control of my choices. And it's nice to have a solid reason to be able to just walk away from things that are just not good for my body.

I also took my latest blood test yesterday at the clinic to check my levels of hypothyroid stuffies. Hopefully, if the Whole30 is working out for me, my numbers will look a lot better next week when the results come out. I'm looking forward to it! (I just hope that I'm not one of those who actually needs to cut out eggs and nightshades from my diet for real results. I don't think I could live without tomatoes forever.)

Whole30 Journey: Done in by green tea! :(

Just when I thought I was doing pretty well with my home-made omelettes at breakfast and nuts and fruits throughout the days (though I've been REALLY hungry at points), I was done in today by a silly cup of hot green tea. The irritating part though was that as my friend was tucking into a wonderful Japanese meal (of which pretty much all of the menu contained soy, grain, or sugar), I opted for green tea. Even more annoyingly, I even told her (as I prepared the cup of green tea), "Actually there are some green teas that might have flour in them, so this might not be a safe option either." But I thought it was a pretty decent Japanese place so I "tucked in" anyway.

As we were at the cashier, I saw they were selling some packets of the green tea they served, and I curiously decided to look at the ingredients...

ARGH! That second ingredient after "green tea" is "brown RICE"
RAWR!

I can't believe I was done in by a cup of green tea.
At least last week I had to reset due to two whole saba fish meals that had soy in them. That's at least a little more worth the reset. >_>

Part of me is thinking "It's just a tiny bit of brown rice in a few cups of green tea, don't be so dogmatic." and the other part of me says "no cheats, no slips, no excuses".

Sigh.

Reset.

Welcome back again to Day One, TOMORROW.
AGAIN.

Apparently this is normal for noobs to restart a couple of times. I've read that somewhere.
They should also empathetically include that this is also irritating for noobs.
Rawr.

Now to decide whether I should have something naughty for dinner today since I'm resetting tomorrow. :)

Whole 30 Day 5?

Okay, it might be Day 4 considering that I totally forgot Edamame was a legume on the first day, but hey... I was doing pretty well otherwise.

But today, I AM HUNGRY.
I want a potato chip.

After my alcohol poisoning scare last Saturday morning that left me with a fever and in bed for almost 24 hour stretches, something just snapped in me to want to just do something for my health. This actually started with me losing my appetite over the post-alcohol poisoning lung infection/flu where I literally lay in bed and didn't want to eat or drink anything...but I missed my vegetables, so I started with that. Somehow the rice and porridge just turned me off, and even the thought of it now still does... I had loads of time to think about how crappy my health has been, so I decided that I should perhaps do something about my health. So I decided that I should try the Whole 30.

So far things have been going alright... also considering that I haven't had much of an appetite due to this flu that has changed me into this green mucous-spewing being (of which I have to say the reason why your mucous sometimes comes out green when you are unwell is really pretty cool). I've mainly become somewhat of a Prescetarian/Fruitarian. I've mainly been eating fruits for the past few days... a small gala apple for dinner, berries for breakfast... it almost feels like I'm back to "food?meh~" jaw surgery days.

Tbh, even though it's only been 4 days, I miss having a croissant or potato chips option.
I think the no-grains part is the worst for me though. It's not really new news, but I LOVE BREAD.
And cheese.
But bread more than cheese.
And pastry more than bread.

Why does everything have flour in it?!
Like seriously, I had to give up this amazing looking tempura the other day (which was like, just in this past week)... :((

I am thankful for how disciplined I have been though. I do believe a lot of it is about the lack of appetite and the sickies.

Okay, I need to get out and go grocery shopping. I need to get a whole load of nuts and plantain chips or something.
On other notes, mulberries are an amazing snack if you're craving for some sugar.

A new discovery.

So my blood test results came back today.

The medical appointment was a little awkward because I was both excited and fearful at the same time. Excited because I might find out exactly what was going on in my body, and yet fearful because I didn't really want to be diagnosed with something that I had to be on medications or something on for the rest of my life. It was weird and conflicting... and I supposed it showed on my face when the doctor showed me the results - which resulted in a furrowed brow and great effort to stop myself from breaking out into a big grin, all at the same time. It was quite disconcerting really, because I knew there was something coming - as the doctor didn't just say "the results came out negative". Instead, she made me wait with a "hold on, let me print this out and I'll explain the results to you"... then came my crazy frown-smile combo whilst she was trying to explain the results whilst my brain buzzed with white noise whilst I tried to pick up little bits and pieces...

It turns out that I have subclinical hypothyroidism.

Finally, some understanding about the sudden weight gain, hair and skin and nail problems, freak stuff... and of why I'm so tired and depressed so often.

I'd share more, but I honestly just need some sleep now.

A medical epiphany

So I had an epiphany this morning around 4am (I did sleep some through the night though, thank God).

And my epiphany was:

Maybe it's a thyroid problem.

As morbid or weird as it sounds, for the past couple of years, I've been wondering if I have some sort of autoimmune disease. Trust me, it's not something that a human randomly comes up with to think about - much less me because I believe I have better things to be anxious about - but doing some research on it this morning somehow started pulling things together.

I suppose this whole thing started when my skin became really dry a couple of years ago. I started to have non-fungal rashes (I went to the skin centre to get that checked once). I had bad bouts of bowel problems, sleep problems, anxiety issues, lethargy, very brittle nails, my hair is still falling, and I had some freak problems with my eyes on two separate occasions a few years ago. I went to the doctors once or twice in this period of time and both doctors guessed it might be an autoimmune problem... But I never quite got it followed up on.

Life just gets busy like that.

At one point of time, especially after my jaw surgery, I started reading up on lymphatic problems (as I was looking at how lymphatic drainage could help with the swelling) and that seemed to make sense to me. I was, however, really cautious as we live in an age where there is a lot of random unfounded self-diagnosis with the availability of sites like WebMD. So, I didn't do much about it either.

About a year ago, I bumped into an old friend of mine and somehow as we chatted in the car park she shared with me how much better she was that she found out that she had hypothyroid and she was getting it treated. As she described her symptoms, I couldn't help but constantly think "hey, that's pretty familiar". 

And this morning that meeting came back to me in my epiphany. Maybe that is why I've been feeling so lousy. 

So here I am, having dragged my aching tired body out to the clinic waiting for my turn... Which apparently looks like another 500 people in queue before me or something. I honestly don't know if hypothyroidism is what it is, but part of me will be thankful either way.

I suppose it's a good thing that I have some time out for myself. I brought a book too.

Okay life, what do you have for me today?

Day 184: 6 months!

Pain Level: 0 - No pain, just still numb in my lower left lip and chin. 

Swelling: I'd like to think I'm still a bit swollen, but it may be just fats.

Sleep last night: I haven't been sleeping too well... bad working and life habits I think.
Other weirdness: When I wash my teeth with mouthwash and leave it in for a few seconds, my jaws feel like dentures floating in a glass. It's REALLY weird. Oh, and chewing is still weird. I somehow feel like my teeth are a bit spastic and I'm not sure where to fit them when crushing things in my mouth.

Mood: Tired

It's really early in the morning and I'm still awake. I had a really rough week as I'm trying to get life back on track. Tis' one of those days where I wonder what I am doing with my life and what needs to be done. 

It's weird, really, that even after 6 months post-surgery, when people tell me "you look really different", I don't know how to react. There's a certain sense of fear or apprehension in receiving such comments - even if they were meant to be complimentary. Even in telling the story, I always make sure to emphasize that I didn't quite have a choice - given it was told to me that I had only two options 1) either to do the surgery now, or 2) wait ten years when I would probably have worn out jaw hinges, arthritis and slower bone growth. The inability to react well is weird though. Perhaps it's an insecurity of some sort.

Yesterday, I stumbled across a Postsecret and it scared the heck out of me for a bit. 

This was it:

I know this particular PostSecret was probably made for a person who had some sort of plastic surgery, but I couldn't help but wonder if some of the people whom I speak to might think the same of me (and not say it).

But hey, there are bigger issues in life to think about aren't there?

I've finally gotten back in touch with my fencing coach, took my gear out and gotten it washed. I'm back to fencing next week! Hopefully, no one will hit my face (please don't!). I'm going to get back to running again, and Pilates. I got to get back some discipline and tenacity in my life.

Fencing next week! I can't wait!

Day 17: Sunday with friends and discovering a new lifestyle

Pain Level: 1 - Had a few random aches today. 

Swelling: It's going down slowly. But it is a lot better now. At least I'm not afraid to go outside.

Other weirdness: Prickles in chin comes and goes. I had a pain in my stomach this morning... I hope it's not gastric. :(

Sleep achieved yesterday night: 8-9 hours, 2am - 1pm (twice disrupted for an hour or two). Also took an hour long nap after my friends this afternoon.
Mood: Looking forward to sleep and a new week.

I've recently been interested in the topic of the primal blueprint and have started listening to some podcasts to understand it more. I think it's something about this whole surgery experience that has brought back the health junkie in me. I haven't had the opportunity to get out to the library to get the books, but I guess there's a lot of material online to work with. 

I don't quite agree with the Primal Blueprint's focus on Darwinism (because I don't agree with the whole theory of evolution), but I believe that some of the theories are pretty sound in the light of adaptive evolution/priming oneself to be strong enough to survive and thrive.

The 10 main rules is pretty simple:

1. Eat lots of animals, insects (0_o"), and plants
2. Move around a lot at a slow pace
3. Lift heavy things
4. Run really fast every once in a while
5. Get lots of sleep
6. Play
7. Get some sunlight everyday
8. Avoid trauma
9. Avoid poisonous things
10. Use your mind

Hope this helps!

Recently I've been subscribing to a lot of health and nutrition channels on youtube and IG and it has been great. I took some time today and listened to one of the podcasts on the primal blueprint and found out that lack of sleep and stress can affect bone density! And especially how the "constant layering of stress upon one's own life" can result in a "chronic overproduction of cortisol" which will affect the absorption of calcium and other stuff that affects bone density. Gosh! I've had an immense amount of stress these past few weeks! With two fractured jaws that need ALOT of help healing, I can't afford that now! I just started taking calcium and vitamin D supplements today in hopes to help that!

I'm going to read more about the Primal Blueprint day by day, but for now, I'm going to try to incorporate some of these guidelines into my life - including increasing the amount of sleep, controlling my stress levels, and going out for a walk in the sunlight everyday. We'll see how that goes.

Had some of my close friends come over today. All we did was pretty much eat a little bit, then just lazed around talking. I think it's pretty cool to have friends like that to journey through life with.

SO good for the hair. :)

I didn't do too well with nutrition today again :(. I just didn't quite feel like food. Mum had a great idea this evening though that I could try soft boiled eggs (which is a little of an old-school breakfast in Singapore). I'm usually not quite a fan of the dish, but it's packed with proteins which is going to be so good for me, so I'm going to try to have that for breakfast tomorrow morning. 

On other notes: I did some black sesame paste dessert for dinner today in my efforts to take care of my hair. :) There are so many health benefits to it - especially for my hair - I think I just might have have it every other day. 

Okay, not much than that today. I'm just going to do my warm compress and get some sleep now so I can wake up bright and early tomorrow. 


Food Report

Breakfast
Missed, slept in today. :)

Lunch
Quarter of a bowl of strawberry yogurt
1 cup of Fybogel
1 Calcium +D tablet

Dinner
Half a bowl of Black Sesame Paste
1 cup of Redoxon

High point of the day
Friends came over, and watching this little cutie.
Low point of the day
Not quite a low point, but I got tired quite quickly when my friends came over. Other than that, it was a pretty good day

"Plan for the day tomorrow"

1. Brief new sales and marketing manager
2. Clear emails, get back on track with work
3. Finance stuff

Closing Day 10: Exercise and a new food list! :)

Pain Level: 1 - Seems like the stitches/hooks have settled down a little. Please stay that way!

Swelling: Not much changes from the morning. Just realized that my face is a little stiff though... I think it's also cause I haven't quite been moving the muscles (smiling, talking...) for fear I might bust something!

Other weirdness: Seems that every part of my face feels normal except the left side of my chin and bottom lip. I was a little worried about the underside of my neck feeling a little hard, but it seems to have softened up a little.

Mood: Very happy and full from a wonderful dinner of a delicious homemade mushroom soup! And it was a pretty productive day. :)

I ended up spending the morning googling jaw surgery blogs in hope to stumble on blogs of other people who recently had their jaw surgery so that I might have a community of people to encourage and journey with. But nope, not much luck. Even those who commented elsewhere that they were going to have their surgeries soon, or that they had them, didn't have blogs. Ah well, at least I tried.

During my research on health/jaw surgery blogs this morning, I somehow stumbled on something about the Primal Blueprint, which is a healthy way of life, and I've gotten really interested in it. Reading the success stories was amazing and I think that's going to be my reading material sometime in the next few weeks. Gotta find a time to drop by a library though. :)

But all that procrastination aside, I finally spent some time after that, as planned, to look for a simple workout/stretch/toning regime. I generally avoided those that I could imagine my jaw feeling really uncomfortable with or being way too cardio that I'd probably faint at the end of it. This is what I found that might work:

• Pilates by Lisa: Butt and Leg Sculpting Workout
• I am a bit cautious about being in the push-up position. But I think I'll put a pillow underneath me just in case.
• Pilates Butt and Thigh (Slow Workout)
• I like it how slow and achievable this seemed. I wasn't too comfortable with how they had to proper their heads up with one hand... I don't know how happy my jaw is going to be with that, but I'll try.
• 10 min Pilates sculpting (Arms)
• This looks really achievable too... maybe except the exercises where I might just drop the dumbbells on my head if I get woozy. But I'm going to try any way and see how it goes. 
• RS How to tone your upper arms
• I'm just going to incorporate the simple arm circles and wall press from here. 

I'm going to try them tomorrow. I'm a little excited about getting into the habit of some stretching in the morning. I think I'll try to wake up earlier tomorrow too and go for a walk or something too.

Something new: Carrot porridge
Yuck. :(

I'm really thankful that I have a househelper who's concerned for me and is trying to make foods that are more interesting in hopes of having me eat a little more. This morning she tried making a blended carrot porridge. I thought that I would be happy because I know how great carrots are nutritionally, but it tasted so watered down and bland, I couldn't get past 40mls of it. 

Sometime today, I became officially frustrated with my diet - or lack of. 

I guess it also doesn't help that I'm pretty picky with what I eat now. Other than for the reasons why I'm a little adverse to eating nowadays, it's also because I've become a lot more concerned about the nutritional value of the foods I eat. I think it's just part of the healing process - that one just becomes a lot more health-conscious. But it really limits my choices.

Total No-nos for me now with regards to food/drinks

• Very watery porridges and soups (I'm SO sick of them!)
• Anything too high in sodium
• Alcohol (I really don't know why any jaw surgery patient in their right mind would have alcohol after their surgery. Then again, I never really liked alcohol anyway)
• Anything with MSG
• Pretty much canned-anything (soups, processed foods etc....): because of the MSG, super high sodium contents, colourings, and all sorts of rubbishy stuff in them
• Caffeine
• And of course the sad reality now: No solids, crunchy foods, anything that is bigger than 0.3cm that can't fit through my teeth. :(

In my frustration, however, I had an epiphany! I realized that I have been doing this finding alternative recipes all wrong and I really shouldn't have been googling stuff like "Jaw surgery soups" or "Jaw surgery foods" because a lot that turned up was all sorts of "You can do this! Put the pizza in the blender!" stuff... which I really can't stand for. What I really should have done instead, was to google something like "delicious soups and stews" and find recipes that made me feel hungry/happy. After all, at the end of the day, it's really for me to find something delicious that will motivate me to get calories in. Of course they'd plus points if they had really nutritious stuff in them.

On a side note, this is one of the most useful post-jaw surgery nutrition list, and another of her posts about nutrition for nerve regeneration that I've found. Thanks Wendy, I'm going to see what I can do with them.

These are some happy recipes that I've found so far that I hope to be able to get my househelper to try. Probably have to replace some ingredients (e.g. alcohol and stock), but I think they might work:

• Cream of wild mushroom soup (Have to replace the vegetable stock with homemade chicken stock. I have a homemade recipe too which my sister made tonight :))
• Homemade french onion soup (Found one without beef broth for a lighter soup)
• Another french onion soup recipe (With butter and beef broth)
• Beef and barley stew with mushrooms
• Cuban Black bean soup
• Rich tomato soup with pesto

Here's the link for homemade chicken stock.

Homemade mushroom soup!
Delicious!

This evening, my sister and househelper helped with making some homemade mushroom soup for me. It was pretty thick, but after I trimmed the tubes on my syringes, I was so glad it could actually get in! I could only push out and swallow about 2mls at a time, but it's the most flavourful thing I've eaten for the past 10 days! The onion in it was a little spicy because my househelper forgot to carmelize the onions... BUT the soup contained cream and butter, garlic, onions, and fresh mushrooms...it was so delicious! Calcium! Vitamins! Antioxidants! :D Anything homemade makes my day! I think I easily consumed over 150mls of this deliciousness! My caloric intake in this one meal probably superseded everything I have eaten for the past 3 days! Happy! :D

ALSO! I tried drinking water from a cup today! Achievement unlocked!
This is going to really up my water intake considerably! Seriously, drinking through a syringe is really tiring! It feels a little weird cause my lips (especially my bottom one) is still numb, but it works! No spillages. :) I don't know why a lot of past jaw surgery patients recommend putting towels under your chin and mentioning that there will be a lot of dribble in drinking from a cup, but I've found no problems so far...or maybe spillages happen if you try drinking from a cup much earlier post-surgery. But with a little patience and grace, it worked fine for me. At this stage, no one should be expecting any chugging anyway. :) I'm limiting drinking from a cup to water though. The last thing I want is the sugars in the milks or juices to get all over my barely brushable teeth. I am determined to not develop any cavities through this process!

Food Report

Breakfast
Carrot porridge - just couldn't get past 40mls.  :(
Ensure Chocolate Milk - I forced myself to consume this one and could only get up to 90mls. The last 10mls was so hard to go down.

Lunch
About 80mls of prune juice. The first shot down my throat made me cough so much from the sudden acidity, I almost gave up drinking it altogether! Thank God for to-do lists that I have this thing about completing. Lesson learned: Always prep your throat with water before having prune juice, or anything with a higher acidity.

Dinner
About/Over 150mls of Delicious homemade mushroom soup! <3
And perhaps another half a bottle of Yakult tonight.

"Plan for the day" Progress

1. Research and decide on a daily light stretch/tone regime
2. Drink milk and prune juice somewhere in the day
3. Write important work letter
4. Relook at graduate school essay submissions (maybe tomorrow)
5. Organize work stuff on table 
6. <maybe> Clear personal finance stuff
7. <maybe> Finally finish the Day 1-2 post that is 70% done
8. Respond to staff submissions on table (gonna finish this later tonight) :)

High point of the day
Getting some work done. Discovering info on the Paleo lifestyle. And the delicious mushroom soup!
Low point of the day
Sad carrot porridge at the start of the day, and lack of appetite. But that's all over now! :)