The day before debracing... well, sort of.

Are they straight? Kinda? I suppose?

Tomorrow is supposed to be THE Debracing Day!

I missed out just one little detail though... that I was supposed to see Surgeonman before I get it all removed! As it turns out, I unknowingly missed my last appointment with Surgeonman and now I have to schedule a meeting before I claim my freedom from all this metal! >_<

Bad news is that Surgeonman is out of town till Weds.
Good news is that there's another Co-surgeon who will be able to see me tomorrow.
Bad news is that I have to push the debracing by a day.
Good news is that I have to push the debracing by only a day.
Bad news is that if I want to be really really picky about waiting for Surgeonman, his next open slot is in April.
Good news is that I don't think I shall be that picky.... unless I can steal him for a little tomorrow. ;)

To be honest, time has gone so fast I really can't believe it's already been almost nine months since the surgery! I can't believe this journey is almost done with.

I guess sometimes, I miss my old face...

Pre-op.
I always had to tilt my face left a little...cause I was so used to it.

Couldn't quite hide that underbite here...

And even though a lot of people tell me I look "better" now, I guess somewhere in me I still miss how I used to look like. Perhaps it's force of habit. On somedays, I even feel a little fake... and perhaps, on the days that I'm fully aware that parts of my face are still numb and may probably not have any feeling ever again, it gets pretty depressing. But on other days, I guess I don't quite think about it and focus on the more important things in life beyond how I look now. I suppose it helps that I kinda had no choice but to get it done... I think if my reason for getting through the jaw surgery was aesthetic, instead of functional, my mindset would be completely different. I still wonder why they still allow forcep deliveries if they change the face structure so much.

But I guess it doesn't help to brood on it, because this is me now...

7months post-op with the sister at CNY. :)

With my little bunny Explorer who's growing up SO fast!

I sometimes still freak out post-surgery and debate with myself that perhaps I now have some overbite that needs correcting, but honestly, I think that's when I need a good scolding. I should be thankful now that my jaw hinges are not wearing out. I should be thankful that I don't have to face arthritis. I should be thankful that there weren't any complications during and post-surgery. I should be thankful for the simple fact that I am alive.

So here's to start of the "closure" process of the jaw surgery.
There's still a tightness in my right cheek that might need fixing (hopefully not with surgery!), but that's another story for another day.

First, debracing!
(AND WHITENING! I can't wait to get my teeth nice and sparkly clean again without all these metal barriers!)

Day 247: Gosh! 8 months!

Days since op: 247. 0_o"
Pain Level: 0 Nothing much. Sometimes the braces get caught in my cheek, but that's about it.

Swelling: I'm definitely still swollen on one cheek because of how the bone fits now. Maybe it'd get better when the braces are off.

Sleep last night: I need discipline! And I need to love my bed and sleep more!
Other weirdness: Still numb in my left lower lip and chin. Great. I wonder if it'd ever go away. I also still can't chew properly! Grrr.

Mood: It's Sunday! I'm going to buy a labeller and label everything I can get my hands on!

So this coming week is possibly my last (or second last visit) to Orthoman's and I'm a little nervous because my braces might be coming off too. I have been waiting for this for a while... but have recently been a little OCD about my profile and how my chin looks now. I'm guessing that this is just part of the process - where you know you're coming to the end of the journey (well, almost), and you just start freaking out a bit - kinda like a runner's wall. I know I did this surgery purely out of functional reasons, but I've been recently concerned about how it has affected the aesthetics... which apparently has been in a good way. But I guess I'm still human and have been freaking out about my profile and whether we made a mistake not having done the genio at the surgery.

I wasn't sure how quite to deal with the questions in my head so I decided to post some pics on the Jaw Surgery FB group (which has been amazing throughout this season of my life), to get some "professional" feedback (simply because a lot of people in the group have or have been freaked out about such stuff and many of them are very well read in this field of JS. It's a safe place and HIGHLY recommended for anyone thinking of, or are about to, or have had, jaw surgery.

Do I look like I need the genio done to even out my face?

I got some comments saying that I should consider it, and most saying that I look fine. Somehow I just can't help but wonder if I now look like I have a slight overbite (instead of my previous underbite). I think I'll just wait for the braces to come off, and the right swell to go down a bit before I decide.

This past few weeks have mainly been about celebrating CNY and all the other crazies that happen in this season. I've hardly been getting sleep and have had a lot of my mind. I'm thinking of taking a trip down to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, for a conference this coming weekend to try to clear my mind a little. Let's call it a "thinking trip". I think it'd help some.

Day 57: New Haircut! :)

Pain Level: 0 - No pain. :) And jaws are a lot less sensitive.

Swelling: I don't really know anymore, but I'd like to think there's more to go down.

Sleep last night: Only slept at 630 this morning as I got too excited about work. :) But got something like 5 hours after... and under-eye circles. :(
Other weirdness: Been snapping bands like no one's business. Yay eating. :)

Mood: Happy. :)

Nothing much to report...except that I happily went to the hair salon and got a haircut today! 

A new haircut was supposed to be Month 3's reward, but I just had to do something about my hair to prep for my event tomorrow. I was so glad to see my hair stylist and visiting the salon always makes me super happy. Next Hair Salon at Holland Village has THE BEST hairwash in Singapore (at least that I know so far in all my life). :) I did have a weird creepy experience with my hairwasher this time though... In the middle of the hairwash, whilst my eyes were closed, he leaned in and kinda said in my ear "Am I too hard?" (referring to the pressure of the massage that is part of the hairwash) with a weird deep voice...it was creepiness central, but other than that, the hairwash was still awesome. :) 

I love how awesome my stylist is. He just makes me so happy... there's just something about getting my hair cut and blown well. :) I was a bit hesitant about getting bangs...especially when my stylist made reference to Taylor Swift, but I'm glad I just courageously did it. I think it was a pretty great decision.

Gonna see Orthoman tomorrow morning! Can't wait!

Just another happy day at the salon.

Day 56: We're almost at two months! :)

Pain Level: 0 - Incision sites just feel more sensitive.

Swelling: Slowly going down a little more.

Sleep last night: Slept ALOT. I woke up at 1030 today (even though I woke up at 4:45am but forced myself back to sleep). Hurrah! Sleep!
Other weirdness: Tingles still happen.

Mood: A little stressed about an alumni meeting on Saturday, but looking forward to some work stuff tomorrow.

We're almost at the two-month marker of my post-op journey and I can hardly believe time has flown by so quickly. I've not been posting as frequently now because I somehow find that I haven't had much time, energy, or fodder to write.

These few days have been a lot about work and about sorting things out within myself. I have been thinking a lot about the future and where I should be and where I want to go... it's been quite the struggle - this big debate within myself about wanting to be a simple girl with a simple life and family versus wanting to make a big difference to the world, go work in the Amazon or in rural India... it's complicated inside me like that.

Recently, I put up another profile comparison picture on the FB jaw surgery group as I was really upset last weekend when some people couldn't recognize me at a wedding. It was kinda distressing and I thought a lot about my identity and all sorts of weird stuff like that. I'm really so thankful how encouraging the group is... it's amazing how a group of strangers going through a similar situation in life can truly be some of the greatest support groups for such phases in life. I really trust their comments (because they have no social equity to be worried about) and I'm more convinced that my face has really changed quite a bit. One of the ladies mentioned that she didn't understand why therapy wasn't part of the jaw surgery process when so much adapting needed to take place. :) I guess that's pretty true, but I think therapy is not an option for me... I think all I need is time.

I've pretty much stopped keeping track of my food intake here too because eating is back to normal and I needn't worry about caloric intake anymore... in fact, I've been stress-eating a lot to the point that I've put on weight! >_> I've still be eating salmon at least 4 times a week and keeping to my supplements regime of Omega 3, Vitamin B, Calcium+Vitamin D, and a hair supplement though. :) Feels a little weird to be popping so many pills a day now (compared to NONE two months ago) but I suppose it's for the best whilst my body needs to heal up. I think I'll keep this up for the next 4 months till the 6 month post-op mark.

Bands still on...
I <3 you bands.
Thank you for making me feel safe.

Nothing too major has been happening with the jaws except that the teeth somehow feel a lot more sensitive nowadays and sometimes my jaw feels like an external part of me. I can still feel the incision of my upper jaws where my stitches have dropped out... it still feels a little raw. The tingles still come and go and I think that's probably why my jaws feel a little funny now - because the nerves are waking up and so I'm just starting to feel what has been numb for the past few weeks. The chin and lower lip is pretty much still numb now. I hope they wake up soon!

I still can't bite or chew anything without feeling weird though so I'm still chopping things up into small bits and swallowing them whole. The bands are still on too. Orthoman says I might be able to take them out soon... but yeah, I need to check in with him. I've actually grown quite attached to the fact that I have bands on - they somehow give me some security that everything is held together and is going to be alright.

Saturday is a big day considering that I'm headed for an university alumni gathering. I don't know how that's going to go. Looking at the mixed reviews that I've been getting - with a majority of people not recognizing me so far, whilst a few others can, I think a lot of people may or may not recognize me (I was pretty active in clubs and all sorts of extra-curricular stuff in my university). I think I need to be a little mentally and emotionally prepared for that. Part of me is really hesitant to go, but I think I just need to force myself out and meet more people so that it'd get easier over time. It's either sooner or later anyway.

Day 46: My first Official Post-Op Profile Comparison Shots

Pain Level: 1 - Small electrocutey feelings that come and go again in my chin. I really don't mind these though, as long as it means that my nerves are coming back to life! I really don't want to be stuck with a numb lower lip and chin.

Swelling: Still there I think, though everyone has been saying it's been going down.

Sleep last night: Pretty good. Didn't feel like enough though.
Other weirdness: My teeth and jaws feel weird and sensitive especially when I try to bite together. It almost feels like some of my teeth are loose and it freaks me out quite a bit. My bottom lip and chin are still numb. AND I put on 2kilos in a week! OMG! 

Mood: Tired and stressed.

Eating patterns today weren't too good, I felt especially terrible after a curry puff at lunch. My whole throat became dry and uncomfortable. I think it was something they put in it. My body absolutely cannot tolerate MSG or processed foods now. :/ Either that or it was the nutella. I need to stop indulging in nutella. :/

I had one dizzy spell again today... that surprised me because I've been taking iron supplements. :( Not to mention that I've been eating SO much (to the point that I've put on weight)... so it really can't be my nutrition. Maybe it's my poor sleeping patterns.

Today's happy lunch of
Herb-smoked Salmon
with a triangle of cream cheese
and a dash of paprika. :)

Ergh! I really dislike it when I write depressing sounding-ish posts! Okay, I need to discuss something positive! 

I didn't break any bands (elastics) today! I kinda failed trying to transit back to my syringe... though I did use it once or twice today. It's just somehow a lot faster to eat via my tiny spoon now. #^_^# Also I think I'm starting to find it a joy to upload food photos to my IG account...there's just something about creating delicious meals that I find some pleasure in. Tomorrow, I'm going to make a pesto baked salmon. :)

As I approach Day 50 post op, I've decided that I should just go ahead and upload progress pictures whilst I'm at it... Parts of me kinda misses my "old face", but I think I'm slowly accepting that the surgery needed to be done and I just need to accept where I'm at now. It's a little tiring getting through the entire story repeatedly with people I meet nowadays.... about my dentist telling me to get x-rays - discovering my crazy jaws-shock about arthiritis and jaw joints being worn out - having to choose between doing it now or later (where bone healing may be much slower and there may be more issues). And worse still when they direct the conversation into plastic surgery and stuff like that after that. But hey, at least I know my heart was in the right place and it was a totally rational decision to get it done. And considering how major it was (I recently stumbled upon a live jaw surgery video which shocked the heck out of me. Please do not click into the link if you're faint-hearted), I'm actually really proud of how brave I was to go through with it.

So, for the first time finally after my surgery...this is me now...

Still can't quite smile properly as my cheeks are still swollen and I don't quite have full control of my face yet.
There are two groups of people's' opinions with regards to my face - people who think I look the same/not very different, and people who can't recognize me anymore. It's weird, and judging by the varied reactions of people as well as my day-to-day uncertainty of how I look, I cannot quite be certain if I really look very different. I think I've given up trying to figure that out.

I kinda miss my older stronger/more-defined jaw.
The first time I saw my new side profile, I felt completely like an alien. I didn't like anything - from my missing jaw line, to my upturned nose, to (what looked to me at that time) what looked like an overbite.
I've learned to accept it over time... and I can't wait for more of the swelling to go. Maybe my jawline will come back then.

Can't believe how bad my teeth were at the start...
I miss the longer tapering of my face, but I trust my surgeon did what was necessary for me to right my jaw.

Food Report

Breakfast
2 tbspn smooth peanut butter with black sesame and almond milk (Apparently peanuts are not paleo so I'm going to stop eating PB after this... I'm not that big a fan anyway)
Supplements: HiOmega3, CalcD, Vitamin B

Lunch
Herb Smoked Salmon with Cream Cheese and Paprika
2 little white rabbit custard paus
1/2 Old Chang Kee curry puff (Without the crust, but this was so bad for me. :()
Some nutella, no more than a tablespoon, or two teaspoons I think.
Supplements: Redoxon+Zinc, Floron Iron Tablet

Dinner
3 bowls of seaweed and egg soup
Little bits of fish and vegetables 
1.5 cups of rock melon juice
3 tbspns Nutella with Almond Butter and Unsweetened Almondmilk (stress eating. :()
Supplements: HiOmega3, CalcD

Day 32: Weird Observations and Profile shots.

Pain Level: 0 - Or maybe I'm just getting used to my weird left jaw joint.

Swelling: I can't quite tell whether it's going up or down anymore.

Sleep last night: Pretty good. I think I slept a full 8 hours from 12am - 8am.
Other weirdness:  Stray threads and all sorts of weird stuff today.

Mood: Looking forward to the future.

Today was a day of weird observations.

For one, I've noticed some random stray threads drifting to the front of my teeth as I brush now. I know Surgeonman told me my stitches would drop off by themselves, but this was pretty scary. I was afraid of accidentally pulling on it and loosening something...like some part of my jaw that would drop out or something.

This was taken when
I was really swollen
around Day 3 or 4.
Can you see that
little wound on my lip?
It was from the op,
and it's now a little
crater. :(

I've also been feeling this rough patch behind my bottom incisors. At first, I thought it was some gross plaque of some sort building up (because it's a pretty difficult spot to reach with my toothbrush with my bands on). After doing a little research, I found out it's probably a (the?) spicuole - the walls of the tooth socket (Description can be found here.)  It freaked me out a bit to know that I could feel a TOOTH SOCKET. I mean, how much must the gums behind my teeth have receded for me to actually be able to feel the walls of the socket that used to hold it? Isn't that a freaky thought? It's apparently common and it's supposed to smooth out though.

On other notes, I think one of the surgeons/medical staff took a little nick off my skin at the corner of my lip and it has now become a little crater. :( It's not visible from afar, but I can definitely see the depression in my bathroom lights and it's really sad. I'm going to try to use Vitamin E to massage it daily now and hope it will naturally "fill up" again. :(

I've also developed some sort of rash today just below the sides of my nostrils. They're not the itchy sort of rashes...just a little red and bumpy. This was superbly random. I have absolutely no idea what's the cause of them. The only added thing to my diet today has been the Hi-Omega 3 tablet...which I doubt would cause rashes. I'm guessing I must have touched something and accidentally touched my face.

Other than that, I did a really brave thing today...I actually uploaded my pre and post profile shots onto the amazing Jaw Surgery FB group because I went into a little one-month post-op panic that I might have an overbite now (instead of my underbite that I was trying to fix). This was it:

Posted this in the FB Jaw Surgery group for support and feedback.
The top is my profile from before, and the bottom is at it is now.
I'm still pretty swollen and I was so worried that I might have an overbite now.

Everyone in the FB group thought it looked great though (which was a big surprise). I guess I might be overly critical of myself. Someone in the group made a comment though that I look really different. I think I've come to terms with the fact (based on the feedback of the different groups of people that I have met) that there are just some people who are going to think that I look really different, and others who think I look the same. Just as there are some days I think there hasn't been much of a change, and others which I dread to look in the mirror and spend an hour or so covering up the bottom half of my face, wishing it'd look different. Two of them thought I could consider genioplasty...which I have been wondering if the right call was made to have not done it. But I doubt I'd do it. If it's not necessary medically, why go through all of this again right?

I'm looking forward to seeing Surgeonman and Orthoman soon. Everytime I see them, I feel like the world's a better place and that this process is going much better than my nerves and insecurities sometimes skew them to be.

On other notes, I did do my research on my German classes, and Petite Modeling (even though at 5'3 I don't even make the "Petite" 5'4 cut), and Pilates classes. I've found my German classes, as well as Pilates which will begin in August - that's in a week or so, so I have time to prepare myself for them, as well as Ballet which will start in Sept (so that I will be somewhat stronger by then). I'll be getting back to fencing in a year... and maybe at the end of next year, I'll complete my first marathon.

Although all this is happening in the midst of really complicated and stressful circumstances at work, taking time to actually research things to invest into myself... I suddenly feel like I'm getting my life back a little bit at a time. :)

Food Report

Breakfast

• 1/2 bowl Black Sesame Paste (Come on hair! Let's do this!)
• Supplements: 1 CalcD tablet, 1 Hi-Omega 3 tablet, 1 cup Redoxon (Vitamin C + Zinc)
  As you can see, I just wanted to be done with all my supplements for the day

Lunch

• 1 bowl pulled-pork porridge (obviously can't get enough of this. :) Proteins!)

Dinner (super big dinner today!)

• 1 large cup of fresh watermelon juice
• 1 bowl of pulled pork porridge with 4 tsp of curry stirred in. :) (Finished all of it. No leftovers!)
• 1 cup Banana Almond Soy smoothie with ALOT of Nutella and 2 tsp Coconut Oil
• Supplements: 1 CalcD tablet, 1 Hi-Omega 3 tablet

High point of the day
Investing time in researching things to get back to things I've "always wanted to do". :)
Low point of the day
No real low points today.

preparing for 2014

The last weekend of the year and a great time for a proper closure. I have a habit of setting goals every year and at the end of the year, I close it by looking at what has been accomplished, and what hasn't.

This was what was left outstanding at the end of this year:

• Get to the next business achievement bracket (Goal:3GAV) (60% completion)
• Receive at least one award this year
• Read the whole Bible through (about 30% completed)
• Take part in one fencing competition
• Clear student debt

And this was what was completed:

• Remove the dots (10/1)
• Take a class in Bahasa Indonesia (24Mar-16Jun)
• Do one thing on the bucket list (Cruised)
• Renovate the office (Done)
• Volunteer in something I believe in
• Travel out at least once (BKK 8Mar, Hawaii)
• Serve in a ministry
• Read at least 12 books (Read:14)
• Set date for jaw surgery

Nine out of fourteen. At 65%, I suppose more could have been done this year. And yet, looking back at the year, I think I'm finishing alright. The balance sheet is closing well, my heart is still healing, but at least I'm still alive. 

What I've learned (or lessons I was reminded of) from 2013

• You cannot run away from anything inside of you - no matter how far you go, how much you try to change your environment, how much you try to change yourself, if something is unresolved in you, you can never run far enough.
• Love hurts sometimes - but if there is any hurting, it's always internal to yourself, never to another.
• Other than the hand of God, you have some control of your life and you just need to stop thinking and take action sometimes.
• Sometimes the right answer cannot be found anywhere else but inside your heart.
• Sometimes the right answer isn't to be made by you.
• Time doesn't heal, hope does.
• There are times in life where you need to decide who are the people you want to stay in your life, and who you want to stay with. "Be where you are celebrated, not just tolerated."
• Be grateful for the people who love you.
• Remember that where there is life, there is hope. As long as you are still alive, you have a purpose.
• Between giving and receiving, always choose to give. 
• You cannot nurture someone who doesn't want to grow.
• You cannot give everyone all of yourself, or anyone all of your heart. Choose wisely.
• Life can change drastically at anytime. Be grateful for everything you have.

Totally unglamourously taken,
but this is the widest smile I could pull.
Now I know why the photographer
kept saying "don't smile so wide".
Point taken? Gosh, 2 weeks...

2014 is expected to be a year of change and adjusting to a new road ahead. Next year will be a year of big personal changes and of business and personal (intellectual, emotional and physical) development. Perhaps next year will be the year where I finally find stability in the business and take one step out of the door and test the waters outside a little. I believe I'm scheduled for a trip to Cambodia, India and Sri Lanka in 2014. And hopefully, will get a chance to visit England if I can.

One of my biggest goals is to have one of my staff receive an award next year - I think that will be one of my greatest rewards next year. And perhaps I'll head toward understanding and getting involved in some sustainability work in terms of food security. 

But for now, or at least for the next month ahead, my focus is going to be about my surgery and perhaps getting used to a new life.

latest profile shots and another week closer...

The teeth as of today. (Yes, I still get stuff stuck in them)
And yes, as you can see, I have put on so much weight,
that my collarbones are almost inexistent! :((

It's Saturday again! And we're another week closer to the surgery! 0_0

Here are my current profile shots - that I think haven't changed for a while now since my braces are all set in place now.

Right Profile.
Flat cheeks. Yes, I automatically force my lips close.

Left Profile.
Flat cheeks. Same auto-close...I wonder if we (under-biters)
automatically learn to close our lips for fear of bugs getting in. XD

Straight on Still forcing close... at least it doesn't look too bad.
Please excuse the parched lips...all I have had today has been coffee and some bread. :D

Lippy Shot
Here's what I really look like when I'm spacing out and not thinking about closing my lips.
Yes, I've always been more of a mouth-breather. #^_^#

Right - 45 degrees.
Today, I understand why Orthoman and Surgeonman needed 45 degree shots.
My underbite is so obvious at this angle!
Note to self: AVOID 45 DEGREE PICTURES LIKE THE PLAGUE! 

Left - 45 degrees.
See?! :((

And here is where the real problem shows -
My slanted, tilted, underbite jaw.
It's okay jaw and little teeth, we'll be all better in a month. <3

Today's, the day I shall actually show the gory details of the surgery to prep my family. Yes, I'm prolly going to show some of the photos from fellow jaw-surgery buddies (see: survivors.) that have gone ahead of me. (Thank you! :D) I'm not sure what their reactions are going to be, but I'm expecting that I will have a lot of questions to answer - as I also had to do with some of my close friends over dinner last night. But given with what they know so far, I think they should be taking the news alright...maybe except the mother - my mum's not too good with caring for people I think, so she's been asking me to consider extending my stay in the hospital for four nights instead of two. =_= (Yay,  for independent self-sufficient (EXPENSIVE) living. X_X)

There is so much to do in so little time! I think I'm going to spend at least an hour or two this weekend thinking about all the things I want to do whilst I'm stuck at home recovering post-surgery (so far, it looks like a TON of movies, dramas, books, and...organizing paperwork or something. :)).

growing up.

It's interesting how life changes when one door closes and you start wondering, "What the 'ell do I have left?!" You putter about life, mumbling and bumbling, then one day you finally realize, "Oh."

For the past two days, I've been attending this:

I was actually deeply privileged to be part of the Young Leaders' Forum.

And gosh, it has been such an eye-opener.

From the energy crisis to food security, agriculture and forestry to sustainable cities, being in the company of so many amazing visionaries and concerned global citizens - from governmental ministries, to energy conservationists and people in the public and private sectors involved with all sorts of things like water and carbon credits - has been most inspiring. The ideas and concerns shared, as well as the visions-casted... I don't know how to even express how awesome it was to know that there were people who have invested their lives in issues so epically and fundamentally meaningful. From the panels, to the working groups, to the presentations, and sharing about international talks with the UN and between countries in the area of sustainability... it's been a long time since I felt so deeply inspired that I could be part of something so much bigger than myself. It was awesome, and very humbling to have been invited and...simply having been given the opportunity to be there.

The reason I attended was simply because I have been interested in the issues of food waste for a while now - of which I recently opened a blog space to store all my random bits of research, but simply haven't had the time to look into (what with work, the mad year-end rush, plus two Coursera and two EdX courses) - and this was my opportunity to try to get like-minded people to come together and come up with solutions for this huge problem in my industry that I care about. The results of my attendance with regards to the meeting of that goal was probably mixed. I'm not sure if I have found the right people to work with, or met the appropriate parties to point me in the right direction, but I hope to be able to work out something that will make a difference - at least in my small, maybe big, way in my industry.

It seems like as I enter into a new phase in life, my life has begun to revolve around work and growing the business, looking into issues and participating in groups that I care about, and spending a little more time and effort into friends, family, as well as investing in the lives of my staff...Oh, that and taking care of myself. The issues that I've been learning that I care very much about are in that of leadership (in my own capacity at work, in the realm of family businesses, in the stewardship of spheres of influence, and in women), productivity (in our operations and that of people-development), and sustainability (mainly environmental concerns). And in taking care of myself, it's mainly been about education - which means reading lots of books and taking a lot of educational courses.

 It's weird, but I feel like I have grown up a little.

I wonder what life is going to be like after the surgery. I've heard a lot of mixed anecdotes about how people do, and don't, change after their jaw surgeries. I don't know how to describe it, but part of me feels like something more than my jaw is going to break within me. Is that weird?

Weird how I never noticed that I
 had a mis-aligned jaw until my eyes
were"opened" and trained to see
what the dentists saw. :(

Later today, I'm going to meet my co-surgeon who will be working with my amazing Surgeonman during the surgery. We're going to take more X-rays, and moulds I believe...and hopefully Cosurgman (Co-surgeon man) will be able to give me a little more details about the surgery... I mean, I'm amazed when I read jaw surgery blogs and all of them seem to know exactly how many millimeters, what way, and how, their upper or lower jaws are going to be moved! For me it has really been a very simple "I have an impending jaw problem. I need to fix it. I'll find the best surgeon. He connects me to the best people. I figure out the costs. I trust them, and don't need to know all the minute details. I'll just show up." kinda thing. But I suppose it doesn't hurt to know a little more - just for a little post-surgery trivia perhaps.

On other interesting notes, apparently Surgeonman told me that they actually do a "mock-surgery" together before the real surgery so that they will have "practiced" before the real deal. (Amazing isn't it?!) And yes, I know, there seems to be like, SO many men involved in my surgery. But I really thank God for all of them. I don't think I've ever had the jitters when I have been with any of them. I think I've only gotten the little ones when I'm alone and allow my silly mind to wander about strange things. I guess I'm a little excited, but kinda afraid to meet Cosurgman - I blame it on stranger anxiety. I hope he's nice. I think I'd be a little sad if I had three nice amazing guys (Surgeonman, Consultman, and Orthoman), and one scary Cosurgman on my team - I might just freak out. Okay, stop! Stop running, thoughts! Stay calm, everything is going to be alright!

Just a few days left of November, and then I'd be in my last month before the surgery!

Lord, please help keep me healthy and really really productive with work so that I will have complete peace when the time comes!

Surgical hooks in. And it didn't hurt!

So after a whole hour of taking moulds and taking out wires and putting all sorts of metal in, I've finally gotten the surgical hooks and all sorts of metal stuff(ed) in my mouth.

It really wasn't as big a deal as I thought it was (or as it sounded). And what it really looks like is very much like what Orthoman did before I left for Hawaii - i.e. binding all my teeth together with a pretty white wire. :) I love it that it's white - it kinda makes me feel like my teeth are nice and sparkly...in a self-delusional "your teeth are actually really all gross now cause you haven't been brushing hard(er) enough after you put your braces on, but hey the white wire might be a little distraction to all that crap" kinda way. I do, however, feel like I have a lot more metal in my mouth...well, I suppose that's because of all the extra little hooks now. Not to mention that the little warning that Orthoman gave me about probably getting a couple of ulcers (because my mouth isn't used to the new hooks), wasn't happy news. Still, I'm glad this part of the journey is over, and now I'm in the hands of my surgeon for the next couple of months.

It was a pretty sad feeling knowing that I won't be seeing Orthoman for a while... it's been such a joy having him as my orthodontist. My mother kinda freaked out a bit when I told her I'm going to put my surgical hooks in today. But after the whole ordeal, when she asked me, "So, how was it?" I couldn't help but say, "I guess it helps that my dentist is cute." Haha. XD But honestly, Orthoman is kinda cute... I guess cause I find him funny....in a hilariously awkward sort of way. I almost burst out laughing in the middle of my appointment today as he was awkwardly finding something to do whilst holding the mould steady on my teeth as the clay(?) set. He ended up standing up, looking away, and walking in place or something. It was SUPER awkward. But even more so, it was hilarious! I think I might have been grinning like an idiot, but I didn't burst out laughing...stuff like that is pretty hard to do with a big-ass mould of metal and moulding clay plus his fingers in my mouth. (Gosh, that sounded wrong.) Still, he's 5 stars for awkward funnies. I recommend him anytime. (If you're doing your teeth in Singapore, and are looking for a nice awkward friendly dentist, look him up: Dr Wee @ Alfred Cheng's Orthodontic Clinic. Sweets for anyone who can make him smile/laugh. He really needs to relax and smile more. :D He may be married though, so no seducing Orthoman! I need him to be happy and secure in his job! (At least till this whole jaw surgery journey for me is over! Haha..selfish request. #^_^# But PLEASE! I can't afford to lose him! I can't have another ortho halfway through! I  have stranger anxiety!) Here's his ortho blog filled with all sorts of random teethy stuff.

Alrighty, after this, it'd be the hospital visit on Friday (along with blood samples and blood donations and all sorts of interesting things that Surgeonman has roughly briefed me about), and then an appointment or two with Surgeonman, Christmas, the New Year, then the surgery.

Time is moving so fast.

ready for jaw surgery!

We are ready! ^^

When people asked me what I looked forward to most at home after spending three months in the States, my answer was a simple "I can't wait to see Orthoman".

I couldn't wait to see him because my teeth had been tied up for the past three months and locked into position by a white wire he twisted around all my braces to ensure my teeth didn't move over my time in the States. The extra wire made brushing an immense torture! Thank God that I didn't have much drama (like the dreaded possibility of broken brackets) which I really freaked out over before I left because it would mean having to have some strange scary person in the States look into my mouth to fix it *stranger anxiety *. Still, I just couldn't wait to find out if my teeth moved any way and how much my time away affected my jaw surgery schedule.

Just to give you an idea of what the white wire looked like, here's a shot:

I took this in Honolulu on my journey back after 3 months away and no Orthoman time.
You can barely see it, but there is a white wire twisted all around my upper and lower braces.

My estimated jaw surgery date was supposed to be scheduled sometime March next year. And knowing I'd have to factor in a 3 - 6 month recovery period where I would be locked down here in Singapore, I just couldn't wait to see him so that I could plan my year ahead.

When I finally saw him just hours after I touched down, he said the magic words "You are pretty much ready for surgery". Well, actually, I think he said something more along the lines of "Are you ready for surgery? I believe we only need one more visit to install the surgical hooks and I can send you to the surgeon. And you need not wait a month. Even next week is fine." Yes, typical Orthoman-deadpan and all. Seriously, I wish Orthoman would just lighten up. But I suppose the sunshine and rainbows coming out of my eyes and ears when I heard the good news might have helped a little. :)

Right now, I'm just waiting to see if the new casts he took of my teeth fit properly and whether just one more visit would really do, then it is time to schedule a surgery! I really didn't expect this process to go so quickly! It has only been nine months of braces (no bands and all), and my good obedient teeth are ready! I'm excited! :D

Thank you my lovely obedient teeth!
xoxo

more bracing myself for a new adventure

One of the most courageous things I've chosen to do this year would probably be to drop everything in Singapore, get on a plane, and head to the other side of the world for a couple of months. It's amazing how many things this move will be affecting though - include a complete disruption in my work, a total removal of life here for a good few months, as well as that of my braces treatment.

Interestingly though, I'm pretty sure that my teeth have been very obedient... as so:

It's amazing how putting some brackets and wire into one's mouth (along with the skill and loving hands of the good Orthoman) can really make a difference to the alignment of one's teeth! I'm amazed at how much my teeth have moved in a matter of months.

This was one of my earliest photos with the braces. Look at how bendy the wires are!
And those annoying deviant incisors! =_=

And now... :) And I didn't have to use elastic bands AT ALL!
I love you my good obedient teeth. <3

I think the Orthoman freaked out a bit (in his typical nonchalant indifferent way) about my being away for 3 months and I suddenly found myself squeezing three appointments one week after another. We have one more appointment before I say goodbye till October. Okay, I think I freaked out a lot more imagining how terrible it would be if something horrible happened (a broken wire, a broken bracket, a weird turn in one of my teeth...I don't know anything is possible! Oh no! *hyperventilate*) Haha... I think Orthoman thinks I'm weird cause I'm always asking so many questions. I think he needs to learn to relax a little more though. I always feel like some perky happy ball of unicorn or something whenever I visit him cause he's a load of deadpan comparatively. It's really a little sad. Ah well, I shall do what I can before I leave.

ALTHOUGH! He did laugh again at our last appointment when I honestly concernedly asked him "You will still be here right? When I get back?" Yes, anxious frown and all. I suppose dentists don't really move about as much when it comes to work. I was a little happy for him when he laughed I think.... it's like a rare sighting. Like witnessing his little dose of happy that occasionally visits him once every five years or something. Okay, I should really stop thinking so....honestly about Orthoman.

I think I have the thickest wires on both my top and bottom teeth now and I don't really feel any pain anymore like I did when we first started the treatment, so I think I'm probably pretty set for surgery soon. I'm going to ask the Orthoman that question again at our last appointment on the 2nd.

Gosh, time is really passing way too fast.

more teethy shots 30.04.13

Was just comparing some older photos with a few I took today...

I will say it again, "Oh, little tooth, I'm so glad you're back."

Yay! No more ugly witch's tooth. :)

I'm truly amazed how much my teeth have moved in a month. I shall drink ALOT more warm drinks from now on. :)

Profile shots and encouragement plans

Days since I got my braces put in (since 28 Dec): 101 days

Next ortho visit: 26 April 2013

Hurrah! I have a new spring in! :) I don't know if you can see it, but it's nice and somewhat seemingly tighter and more windy than the last one (which I really don't think made much of a difference since the last time).

Hello new super windy spring. Please work well with my teeth!

Orthoman was the same stoic self. I don't know what it is, but somehow no matter how bright and cheery I am, he's...emotionless? Then again, he has been having sad eyes for the past few visits. :( I am convinced that he is either sick of his job, or is going through some stressful situation in life...like relationship problems, or sickness in the family, or a naggy mother, or something. As a concerned patient, I really hope...that it's not him being sick of his job. I have another year more of my treatment to go! I need him! So we cannot allow him to be sad at work! But what can I do if it were the latter? Naggy mother, relationship problems, or sickness...I can't help with. Hmm... or maybe he just needs some encouragement.

I know! Maybe I shall prepare some happies for him on the next visit. I do have to plan this very carefully though... so that it's very clear that he knows that I'm not flirting with him or something, but just feel really uncomfortable when people around me are sad (and secretly that I really don't want to lose him as a dentist and have to go through getting to know someone new... *stranger anxiety attack*). Hmm... what should I do? I obviously can't bake anything because they are technically not "dentist-friendly" and he might possibly be one of those crazy no-sugar-because-all-your-teeth-will-rot-and-die peoples. He's a guy, so flowers are out...and I can imagine that might create a really weird situation. Okay, I have three weeks to think this through. Don't worry Mr Orthoman! I can help cheer you up! :)

Well, either my efforts might help some and he'll be cheered up, or he'll think I'm this weird patient and transfer me elsewhere - which would make me sad. Or that he'd freak out and think I have some sort of prepuberscent crush on him and make things uber awkward and scary for me... or that he'd break down and cry or something and decide to leave his job...NNOOoOOoooo... Okay, I'm overthinking this. Maybe I should just get him a nice imported toothbrush or something... Dammit, thinking of encouraging gifts for strangers is not easy.

Anyhoos, the most WONDERFUL thing that he said was that we might be able to put in that last bracket on my little left out tooth on the next, or following, visit!! YaY! Now to just pray that my new little spring works well and makes enough space! :) I can't wait to bring him/her/it back into alignment with everyone else. Come be reunited, my dear tooth! We miss you!

Things are straightening out a little more I think.
 It's quite amazing - this technology.

I'm really looking forward to the next visit. Not just for the tooth, but that I might be able to do something to encourage stoic, emotionless Orthoman who might be going through some crisis. Or maybe he's just one of those boring emotionless men by default? *ponder* I can imagine him smiling though. Maybe I should just pray for him that God will give him joy....okay, maybe I'll write that in a note. Wait, that means there's a card now?! Okay, I really have to be careful that he doesn't get the wrong idea with my simple encouragement plans... argh! Why do I have to be aware that humans can be so complicated that I have to think through this so carefully? At this rate, I might just randomly end up throwing a bun (probably something mid-range and non-suggestive like a ham and cheese one) at him at the end of my next appointment and mutter "smile more" as I scuttle out of the door.

Anyhoos, here's how my teeth are looking now. Thank you for cooperating little teeth!

Still stuck with a spastic smile. =_=