Wrapping up Hawaii...for now.

Cliff Jumping at Southmost Point

Some of my family I found here.

It's amazing what a few months away can do to one's heart. For the past ten weeks, I'd moved over to Kona, Hawaii, to do a Marketplace Discipleship Training School with YWAM's University of Nations and it was probably one of the greatest decisions I've ever made in my life.

Last year, I went through what was probably one of the worst experiences of my life that left me empty, hopeless, and in a state of utter distraught. I stayed in that depression for almost a full year until one of my best friends told me over breakfast (after a night of me running away from home) "Go. You have to go. You have exhausted all your other options." She said it even though it meant I wouldn't be around to help with her wedding preparations. She said it out of love for me. And deep down inside, I knew it was my only option. I just had to. And I did.

A beautiful Kona Sunset

I packed what I had to in two small cases - unfortunately including my heavy heart - and I left. It took so much courage in me to just drop everything - my work, my company, my family - and just go. For the first few weeks, despite living in a room with eight other girls and trying to be a strong support to some other girls in my room who were struggling with some pretty complicated issues in their lives, I secretly cried myself to sleep pretty much every night. It took a lot out of me every day to hide all that behind all I tried to represent myself as - as a good ambassador of Christ, as well as that of my country, and my company.

At a Luau with two of my sisters.

However, as I tarried through the school - forcing myself to the classes, to read the books, to listen to the speakers, to reflecting on the challenges that I was posed with, observing the people on campus, and tuning in to who I was and what I used to be - something familiar seemed to rise up. It was a process of remembering the woman I was made to be, remembering the dreams that I had, the things that I aspired to be, to do, to see in my lifetime. As I spent the weeks remembering, sharing, listening, praying, reflecting, I found myself finding myself again. And on one occasion, at almost the end of the semester, for just a few minutes one night, I laughed so hard my core muscles hurt. It had been a long time since I laughed that hard.

Standing literally
one foot away from
a long 80ft (24m) drop
at Rainbow Falls.

In the last ten weeks I'd also gone travelling, hiked to and stood at the top of waterfalls, went cliff jumping, climbed a huge Banyan tree, went snorkelling at Captain Cook's (which is dubbed one of the world's best snorkel sites), spoke to random strangers, discovered gifts I never knew I had, heard some of the most astounding of stories and met some of the most fascinating of people. I looked back, found the lies, learned the truths, and found my self-worth again. I loved and received love, I forgave and received forgiveness, and I healed.

And now here I am in Honolulu for a week to just wrap up my time away and am planning the next year ahead - which looks like work, transiting out of work, my jaw surgery, a time of healing, then putting two projects in place, maybe starting up a business or two of my own, and then getting out of Singapore for a couple more months, and then... maybe out into the world.

This is the person
I was made to be.
I was made to care about the nations.

Life has so much potential for the most beautiful of possibilities and to meet the most inspirational of people to spend it wallowing in the past.

I'm now looking forward to getting back, seeing Orthoman, getting my surgery appointment fixed, and all the other jazz that's planned, and just move ahead with joy in the times to come.

Onward. Upward.

more bracing myself for a new adventure

One of the most courageous things I've chosen to do this year would probably be to drop everything in Singapore, get on a plane, and head to the other side of the world for a couple of months. It's amazing how many things this move will be affecting though - include a complete disruption in my work, a total removal of life here for a good few months, as well as that of my braces treatment.

Interestingly though, I'm pretty sure that my teeth have been very obedient... as so:

It's amazing how putting some brackets and wire into one's mouth (along with the skill and loving hands of the good Orthoman) can really make a difference to the alignment of one's teeth! I'm amazed at how much my teeth have moved in a matter of months.

This was one of my earliest photos with the braces. Look at how bendy the wires are!
And those annoying deviant incisors! =_=

And now... :) And I didn't have to use elastic bands AT ALL!
I love you my good obedient teeth. <3

I think the Orthoman freaked out a bit (in his typical nonchalant indifferent way) about my being away for 3 months and I suddenly found myself squeezing three appointments one week after another. We have one more appointment before I say goodbye till October. Okay, I think I freaked out a lot more imagining how terrible it would be if something horrible happened (a broken wire, a broken bracket, a weird turn in one of my teeth...I don't know anything is possible! Oh no! *hyperventilate*) Haha... I think Orthoman thinks I'm weird cause I'm always asking so many questions. I think he needs to learn to relax a little more though. I always feel like some perky happy ball of unicorn or something whenever I visit him cause he's a load of deadpan comparatively. It's really a little sad. Ah well, I shall do what I can before I leave.

ALTHOUGH! He did laugh again at our last appointment when I honestly concernedly asked him "You will still be here right? When I get back?" Yes, anxious frown and all. I suppose dentists don't really move about as much when it comes to work. I was a little happy for him when he laughed I think.... it's like a rare sighting. Like witnessing his little dose of happy that occasionally visits him once every five years or something. Okay, I should really stop thinking so....honestly about Orthoman.

I think I have the thickest wires on both my top and bottom teeth now and I don't really feel any pain anymore like I did when we first started the treatment, so I think I'm probably pretty set for surgery soon. I'm going to ask the Orthoman that question again at our last appointment on the 2nd.

Gosh, time is really passing way too fast.

immense bravery

Yesterday was probably the height of the courageous days in my life. It's amazing how much strength it takes to hide emotions inside, and yet how much more interesting that humans even have the ability to behave in ways contrary to how things really are inside.

And yet, there comes a time where one too needs to realize that you are worth fighting for. That you are worth something. That you would probably still love and give on command, but at the same time you have to stop hurting yourself with hopeful expectation...or at least control the extent of the damage it's creating.

I was a brave girl yesterday. And even though I still feel like crap, and I really did wish for a better outcome, it's something to be very proud of.