Day 72: Just walking through life.

I can't quite chew yet, but I've been pretty much eating anything. My jaws are still pretty tight and I can barely open more than one finger wide.... but hopefully with daily jaw exercises, things will loosen up and get better. My lip has been stinging quite a bit recently - especially when I am worked up about something and speak in an upset/angry tone. I guess it's stimulation that affects the nerves.

Yesterday, I felt as if something was stuck at the back of one of my lower molars (or that it was some gross plaque that was building up) so I decided to be a little more thorough with brushing around that area... and I don't know what I did, but when I rinsed my mouth out, I found that I had a considerable amount of blood in my mouth. It took me quite a few mouth rinses and it freaked me out quite a bit because the water kept running out a copper blood-stained colour, but I think it clotted up soon after. But gosh! Not fun.

Been in a very much reflective mood recently. The stress of work and life has been getting to me, and it's not very healthy. Part of me feels like I've lost myself somewhere these past five years - with entering the business, losing one of my best friends, the big break up, depression, surgeries, issues with work... it's just been a bit too much for me I think.

Part of me is just so tired of life right now. Overwhelmed, maybe.
It just feels like I've lost a big part of myself for a long time and I don't really know where I am at or who I am/want to be. It's like I just need a breath of fresh air of life, or a holiday by myself or something.

Day 62: Bands and Hooks are off!

Pain Level: 1 - Was pretty bad at Orthoman's when he was doing a lot of work on my teeth, but the pain has now dissipated down to just the little electrocutey zaps on my numb lip area and a little aching in the back of my jaws.

Swelling: Apparently going down by the day according to my staff.

Sleep last night: Went to bed REALLY tired.

Other weirdness: I think most of my stitches have dropped out though I think some are still in hiding somewhere. The other day, one of my stitches dropped out in the middle of an important meeting I was at. I figured I couldn't imagine holding it in my mouth for 2 hours, so I swallowed it. Yay fibre. =_=

Mood: Contemplative.

So I finally got to see Orthoman yesterday (after missing the appointment last Wednesday) and it made me a really happy girl. :)

At a little over 2 months post-op, my bands are off! And now all I need to focus on now is

1. Getting my jaws to open wider by exercising and stretching my jaw muscles
2. Getting my nerves in my chin and lip to heal back into full operational ability

All bands, surgical hooks
 and thick wires off. :)

The appointment with Orthoman was a pretty painful one though as there was a lot of stretching and pulling. What he basically did was take out the wires that he had banded in pre-surgery, as well as removed the surgical hooks. I never knew how sensitive my chin, lips and some of my teeth were till he had to do so much work on them! I could somehow feel everything so much more! And once, he pressed down on something that really hurt, I couldn't help but wince and made a pained sound. I guess Orthoman heard me, and he whispered a gentle "sorry", and that totally kept me alright for the rest of the process. It's amazing how a gentle apology and indication of genuine care totally carried me through the whole process - pain and all. I'm such a softie :). But I'm totally thankful for Orthoman. :) <3

So my bands, wire holds, and surgical hooks are off...and I think he also changed out my main holding wires (the main ones that bend around the teeth). No more snapping or digging into my cheeks and creating ulcers! Yay! I guess this is a good place to be.

On the softer, more emotional side of things, these days I've still been struggling with getting back on track in life.

I somehow seem to have lost my sense of drive and determination regarding work and life in general. I've been headed into the office, but with a lack of passion. I've been going to meetings, but with a lack of follow up. I've been talking to people, but with a lack of commitment. I have been trying to get some exercise in, and to regulate my sleep patterns, but with a lack of discipline. It's pretty frustrating. Part of me wonders if I'm carrying a low-grade depression that I refuse to acknowledge. It's really easy for others to judge and say "just force yourself to do this and that", but it's really much harder (or at least it feels like it) when you're on this side. And I guess it's especially knowing that there will be people who will judge and say nasty things, that people who struggle choose not to express or tell people about their depression - which really isn't healthy.

Today, I'm home from work to focus and try to overcome this. Perhaps it's just a matter of cleaning out my environment and just getting things in my scheduler and being able to see into the next few months ahead.

Okay post-surgery depression, I'm going to overcome you!

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Oh, and regarding the alumni gathering. It went alright. I was pretty brave that I even dared to take pictures. Even a selfie with a friend. :) As so:

We got some hats at the photobooth and just had to take a photo. :)

It amazed me how many people knew about my surgery and asked me how I was. :) Thank God people have transitioned through with me! I am so thankful! And thank God for the reach of Facebook. I've also recently changed my FB profile pic to a new post-op one too...I suppose I'm starting to accept the changes. And based on the fact that people actually like the photo, I've been encouraged that this post-op transition is going to be alright. :) I am humbled and thankful.

Day 57: New Haircut! :)

Pain Level: 0 - No pain. :) And jaws are a lot less sensitive.

Swelling: I don't really know anymore, but I'd like to think there's more to go down.

Sleep last night: Only slept at 630 this morning as I got too excited about work. :) But got something like 5 hours after... and under-eye circles. :(
Other weirdness: Been snapping bands like no one's business. Yay eating. :)

Mood: Happy. :)

Nothing much to report...except that I happily went to the hair salon and got a haircut today! 

A new haircut was supposed to be Month 3's reward, but I just had to do something about my hair to prep for my event tomorrow. I was so glad to see my hair stylist and visiting the salon always makes me super happy. Next Hair Salon at Holland Village has THE BEST hairwash in Singapore (at least that I know so far in all my life). :) I did have a weird creepy experience with my hairwasher this time though... In the middle of the hairwash, whilst my eyes were closed, he leaned in and kinda said in my ear "Am I too hard?" (referring to the pressure of the massage that is part of the hairwash) with a weird deep voice...it was creepiness central, but other than that, the hairwash was still awesome. :) 

I love how awesome my stylist is. He just makes me so happy... there's just something about getting my hair cut and blown well. :) I was a bit hesitant about getting bangs...especially when my stylist made reference to Taylor Swift, but I'm glad I just courageously did it. I think it was a pretty great decision.

Gonna see Orthoman tomorrow morning! Can't wait!

Just another happy day at the salon.