Sunday, February 09, 2014

how did that happen?

There are times in life when I look back at memories or events and can't help but ask myself, "How did that happen?" - especially considering that I very much prefer to be quiet and away from people most of the time.

In this past week alone....
A major news channel in Singapore found out our company was family-friendly
and ended up scheduling a date with me and one of our staff for interviews.
It was a short-segment on the news, but I was amazed that we would even make it in the news.
I somehow got voted to lead a membership team of a new Youth Network...
Even though I really thought there were many more qualified people.
And I had a CNY visit with some really amazing girls to the super-inspiring Claire Chiang's place.
It's amazing how many things have been happening... to think I'd be hiding in my house now if my jaw surgery didn't get postponed. Gosh.

This evening I had a chat with the parents and my dad basically told me that I could be anyone and someone - if I only chose not to hide "my gifts". It scared me a little - thinking that I could be someone bigger than the person I think I am, and that perhaps others around me see a lot more in me than I see in myself.

Recently I read an article about something called "the imposter syndrome" and it really struck a chord in me - especially the part of fear of success. It's probably a little illogical, but there's just something in me that says "I could really make a big difference to the world" and the other which says "I'd really rather stay small and hidden where no one knows me", which creates this weird tension in me. Is that normal?

My sister says my problem is fear - and I suppose it always has been. And yes, I know fear is not of the Lord. I guess God knew what I needed when He gave me the name "Ariela". He gave me Courage.

I just need to live it out.