Saturday, September 21, 2013

Wrapping up Hawaii...for now.

Cliff Jumping at Southmost Point
Some of my family I found here.
It's amazing what a few months away can do to one's heart. For the past ten weeks, I'd moved over to Kona, Hawaii, to do a Marketplace Discipleship Training School with YWAM's University of Nations and it was probably one of the greatest decisions I've ever made in my life.

Last year, I went through what was probably one of the worst experiences of my life that left me empty, hopeless, and in a state of utter distraught. I stayed in that depression for almost a full year until one of my best friends told me over breakfast (after a night of me running away from home) "Go. You have to go. You have exhausted all your other options." She said it even though it meant I wouldn't be around to help with her wedding preparations. She said it out of love for me. And deep down inside, I knew it was my only option. I just had to. And I did.

A beautiful Kona Sunset
I packed what I had to in two small cases - unfortunately including my heavy heart - and I left. It took so much courage in me to just drop everything - my work, my company, my family - and just go. For the first few weeks, despite living in a room with eight other girls and trying to be a strong support to some other girls in my room who were struggling with some pretty complicated issues in their lives, I secretly cried myself to sleep pretty much every night. It took a lot out of me every day to hide all that behind all I tried to represent myself as - as a good ambassador of Christ, as well as that of my country, and my company.

At a Luau with two of my sisters.
However, as I tarried through the school - forcing myself to the classes, to read the books, to listen to the speakers, to reflecting on the challenges that I was posed with, observing the people on campus, and tuning in to who I was and what I used to be - something familiar seemed to rise up. It was a process of remembering the woman I was made to be, remembering the dreams that I had, the things that I aspired to be, to do, to see in my lifetime. As I spent the weeks remembering, sharing, listening, praying, reflecting, I found myself finding myself again. And on one occasion, at almost the end of the semester, for just a few minutes one night, I laughed so hard my core muscles hurt. It had been a long time since I laughed that hard.

Standing literally
one foot away from
a long 80ft (24m) drop
at Rainbow Falls.
In the last ten weeks I'd also gone travelling, hiked to and stood at the top of waterfalls, went cliff jumping, climbed a huge Banyan tree, went snorkelling at Captain Cook's (which is dubbed one of the world's best snorkel sites), spoke to random strangers, discovered gifts I never knew I had, heard some of the most astounding of stories and met some of the most fascinating of people. I looked back, found the lies, learned the truths, and found my self-worth again. I loved and received love, I forgave and received forgiveness, and I healed.

And now here I am in Honolulu for a week to just wrap up my time away and am planning the next year ahead - which looks like work, transiting out of work, my jaw surgery, a time of healing, then putting two projects in place, maybe starting up a business or two of my own, and then getting out of Singapore for a couple more months, and then... maybe out into the world.

This is the person
I was made to be.
I was made to care about the nations.
Life has so much potential for the most beautiful of possibilities and to meet the most inspirational of people to spend it wallowing in the past.

I'm now looking forward to getting back, seeing Orthoman, getting my surgery appointment fixed, and all the other jazz that's planned, and just move ahead with joy in the times to come.

Onward. Upward.

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