Tuesday, December 10, 2013

freaking out, like really.

I am officially freaking out about the surgery.

Maybe it's misaligned emotions. Maybe it's for the fact that I have so much work to do and the stress is just getting out of hand and is spilling over into the fact that I am going for a major surgery that may alter me forever! (emo much?) Still, I AM freaking out.

I think it started with when I tried to explain to the sisters about the procedure and showed them a video about how the surgery will go... and one of my sisters asked "Won't the plates hurt when you're older?" And I realized, I didn't think about stuff like that. I just thought "There's going to be a possible future problem which will be better to fix now", and therefore started this journey. I never thought I might be SOLIDIFYING and CREATING a problem NOW for myself for the REST OF MY LIFE. Yes, I think that's when the freaking out started. :(

I started Googling all sorts of related topics - including "surgery plates hurting" and the like. And I freaked out MORE. And then I went into googling stuff like "regret jaw surgery" and "would you do jaw surgery again"... and I think it was pretty much a slippery slope from there.

I'm freaking out. I suddenly feel like I can't do this anymore.

It's such a big change...and I have SO MANY "what ifs" in my brain right now. Like, what if I'm one of the 20% who hates their faces for life, or what if I never regain feeling in my face, what if I don't really necessarily have arthritis in my old age and am wasting money now, what if I come out really REALLY ugly...



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