Friday, December 14, 2012

Becoming Ariela

Ariela - Lioness of God
Inspired by a friend to start another blog specifically on my journey with new decisions in my life, I've started this page to journal God's goodness in my life as I make courageous decisions.

Ariela is a name the Lord gave me and has a long time since been adopted as my middle name. It is interesting how I properly adopted it during a time when I really searched myself and questioned my identity and the person I was made to be - which began the search of the true meaning of my name - including "Ariela". Somehow the name appeared with me since I was a little girl and sporadically popped up in my mind throughout my life...perhaps it was the remnant of playing pretend in the heights of "The Little Mermaid" fandom as a girl, or maybe something more, but it stuck. The discovery of the true meaning of the name "Ariela" surprised me for it means "Lioness of God" - pretty much describing a boldness, courageous stance, and majesty. It surprised me not for the fact that it stood for so much, but for that it was so starkly different from the fearful girl that I knew myself to be - the girl who hid behind her father's legs when she was little because she feared strangers, the girl who hid from the world as a depressed overweight primary school child, the girl who made decisions with as much commitment as to the sway of the opinions of others, the girl who procrastinated for fear she would always make the wrong choice, the girl who never believed she was "good enough" to make solid decisions for herself. The girl who ran away.

And yet, this was the name the Lord chose for me. Ariela. Lioness of God. Bold, courageous, victorious.

The name of the page basically shares my heart's desire. And now, the existence of this page marks a new beginning, a new commitment to grow to all the the Lord has called me to become. This page serves to journal all the new courageous decisions I'm going to make and to call me accountable to myself that I will no longer procrastinate nor fear these decisions. This page shall be an archive of my victorious triumphs of some of the most personal struggles and internal battles I have fought and never felt strong enough to overcome.

For a start, in the past week, I decided that I will finally go for my jaw surgery. 

I realize that I have been pretty harsh on myself these past TEN years. Ten years of fear, ten years of thinking of what others thought first, ten years of letting others decide for me, ten years of internal debate. Ten years of running. But today, it shall stop. (In fact, it stopped this past week. :))

So here's to a new me. The TRUE me.

Here's to becoming Ariela - the woman I was made to be.

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