It's interesting how a heart works, or doesn't work, with one's brain. Frequent infighting in one body really isn't too healthy.
Yesterday my dad encouraged me to stop dreaming. He literally asked me, "Why do you want to dream on? When will it stop?" And even though I told him adamantly, "I'm not dreaming on. I'm over it. I'm through." I also said, "But it's tough because everything here triggers memories." And part of me wishes that the ex and I weren't such troopers to visit pretty much everywhere around the island so that I would have other memories I could think of.
But I suppose, and I think I've been told several times over now, that part of this process of learning is to realize that I'm worth more than how I'd been treated. And how dishonorable and telling the drama of the end was - that we couldn't survive through the flames of a simple misunderstanding. Or at least how unforgiving and unnecessarily harsh he was. And to think it was all over a petty misunderstanding. Surely he knew how unreasonable, hurtful, and unkind he was.
And yet, I have chosen to love anyway. And still choose the better - to still think the best of him.
But I have also been reminded that I have to love myself too.
"Stop dreaming."
I have never really believed in the concept of giving up one's dreams.
But I suppose when one dream seems to be eating up all else -where it's no longer a dream that encourages or pushes you to higher heights - it's more like a long drawn hopeful nightmare...prolonged emotional torture that really should be relinquished in exchange for freedom.
It's time to stop now, Ariela.
Be courageous.
Dream new dreams.
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