Monday, March 10, 2014

be careful what you pray for

"Be careful what you pray for" - tis' the advice that I've received. A "warning", more fittingly, given on some basis that you will likely attain what you desire through undesirable circumstances. Circumstances such as meeting difficult people or situations in your life when you pray for patience, having to endure betrayal and the pain of deceit when you pray for love, or encountering loss and grief when you pray for "true joy" or peace.

I prayed for courage.

It is only March of 2014 and already I am weary.
The past two months have been trying times. I suppose God had a plan when my surgery was postponed. It's tough to explain in detail here, but let's just say that although I'd rather build the gift in a different way, the circumstances I've had to endure has done its part in forcing some courage out of me - courage I didn't think I had.

I also finally wrote to my surgeon and it turns out that he wasn't mad at me for postponing the surgery... and even said that what I did - postponing the surgery because I was just too mentally and emotionally exhausted, and wasn't comfortable with not having reserve blood for my surgery - was right. So I'll be meeting him again in April and will probably do the surgery in May.

My mind is tired though, and all I'd really like is some rest.
Maybe I'll get my rest in May.

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