Come alive

Probably why I'm up
writing at this time.

Sundays are officially my favorite day of the week. After an emotionally exhausting week starting with me trying to tie everything up before my op which was scheduled on Friday, then experiencing the roller coaster ride of the autologous, the eventual postponing of my op, the frustrated redirected attention to work, and the eventual acceptance of the situation... I really needed some R&R. And relax I did - by pretty much sleeping the entire day.

And it felt SO good.

I've been having some interesting conversations this week though - including one with my best friend who is considering setting up a social enterprise, and another tonight with my parents about the future of the family business. What these conversations have done was to make me rethink what I want to do with my life and what makes me happy.

And the answers all came back to the same thing - the love I have for developing and inspiring people; especially university kids.

Ironically, this is what the boy
sent me once to encourage me.

There is a saying I've come across that sounded like "Never give up your dreams for a man" .. Which probably had some follow-up clause about how a good man would spur you on toward them, but that's what I did  with  my "become a professor and  change the world by inspiring the next generation of world leaders" dream. And gosh, is it tough to convince myself otherwise when I have made up my mind.

Getting back to the dream is going to take some serious work. It's going to require a lot of planning and a lot more soul-searching. For years on end , I've postponed trying out for anything because I never knew what I wanted to learn at a graduate school level, or even what I was passionate enough about to devote my life to researching, writing about, and teaching.

Even though I run a business, sometime last week I had an epiphany in my car that "No, I don't think I'd like to teach the next generation about business concepts like marketing and finance." And it was a relief that at least one option was struck off my list. So I guess I'm down to two things - sustainability, issues, and policy making - both of which might just overlap into something really awesome.

I did do a preliminary search for a good post-grad course in sustainability and I found one in the UK - my third place in the world I'd call "home" (after that of Singapore and the Doulos). It's a little dream of mine to study/work in the UK for a while and it was really exciting to read. Earlier this week, I had also heard a BBC report that 1 in 10 British youth feel that they have nothing to live for, a report that really saddened me.

I guess now with the rescheduled surgery (and healing time), I just have to plan my year again. Perhaps these 4 months of waiting will do a bit of good in charting my course on more solid ground.

Come on 2014, come alive with me this year!