Monday, October 13, 2014

Day 113: Coming to terms with depression

Pain Level: 1 - My teeth have started turning a nasty yellowish colour so I started getting more vigorous with my brushing routine by digging around more with my interdental brush... and that doesn't always make my gums too happy. Gross bloody brushes...
Swelling: Surgeonman still thinks there's some and says it's normal. I think that's a good thing.  
Sleep last night: A little better, but I think I would be happier if I could get even more restful sleep.
Other weirdness: Just weird gross yellowing of teeth... I have no idea why... oh wait, maybe it was that Mocha from Starbucks... and that tea... dang!
Mood: Having my monthly girly cramps. >_<

So I made a decision today. 

I decided that I really need to take a courageous step to come to terms with the depression that I've been struggling with for a long time. I've decided to take up Surgeonman's offer for help to deal with it. I think his guess was that I may have already been a little depression-prone pre-surgery, or may have already had a mild form of depression before the surgery. Or at least I think he was hinting at that. Do I give off highly-anxious-patient vibes? ^^ I suppose I should be thankful that I know that I'm struggling, but it isn't something that's really deeply hopeless - but rather that I probably just need someone more professional in helping me talk through my struggles with work and life right now. Surgeonman mentioned that sometimes some patients get into really deep depression - especially when they come out looking extremely different from before, or that they have severe adjustments they need to make like speech impediments and stuff. For me, I suppose it's just these past two years have been such a struggle for me - with issue after issue coming at me - how it's now physically affecting my health and having this really bad hair-loss due to stress and all, just isn't too good for me anymore. I'm literally losing little mounds of hair everyday. :(

So, I'm going get help (yay for courageous decisions) - I think Surgeonman has some connections with some counsellors or something - and we'll see where that goes. I do have a hard-rule on that route though - no psyche medications. After studying psychology, and numerous conversations & debates regarding treatment of mentally/emotionally-ill patients, I'm totally against psychiatric drugs unless it's a situation of life-and -death. So no, no meds.

In the meantime, I've also decided to take things a bit easier on myself, and to attempt to reduce the amount of stress on me as much as possible. Last weekend I'd just spent some time cleaning out most of my office - compiling files, cleaning, organizing... it did make me feel quite a bit better. I've started on some of my files at home too. This coming week, I'm going to try to clear out as much electronic data too... there's just too much to handle everywhere now and it's time to simplify life for a bit.

I'm praying that this week will be my "Breakthrough Week" for me - where things at the office will be a little more settled. I've plans to head to Myanmar for a wedding for one of my staff and perhaps to Chiangmai, Thailand after that - just to improve our Thai product selection...and maybe just to get a breather from all the stress here.

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