Monday, January 18, 2016

Sorry, another sad post... except with two perspectives.

I just recently sent a close friend this text message when she asked how I was doing...

In short life is now

  1. I'm tired.
  2. I want to go study.
  3. I've told my mother that honestly if I had the chance to start over, I'd do something like modeling.
  4. Company is doing very poorly financially and I fear the worst.
  5. My dad's health worries me and he doesn't want to take his medications. The thought of losing my dad robs me of all peace
  6. My own health is really poor. dropping hair like mad and went for blood test last week to check for hypothyroid. Results out on Thursday. I've come to terms that I've been struggling with depression for a long time.
  7. I really need to move on in my personal life.
  8. I feel really lonely somehow.
  9. I'm really unhappy at the state of my body and weight.
  10. My world generally feels like it's falling apart. 

It's weird. Some days I feel top of the world and that everything is going to be okay and I can get through this... other days I really don't know what I'm doing and where I'm going.

She caught me on one of the "other days".

The high point last week was a photoshoot I had on Saturday for mentorship.

Today I'm getting out of the office for a bit. I actually have a ton of things I have to do, but I'm running... but I'm doing a ton of other things whilst I'm running.

Life is just a whirlwind now.

Some days I want it to stop.
And on others I feel like that maybe if I stood firm in the core of it on the days where it's wild howling, I'd find some sort of adrenaline and deep peace.

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