dealing with change

So the receptionist at my ortho's said that I needn't come down cause apparently the teeth only hurt for a few days after the wire's in, then you don't quite feel it, so it's apparently normal. I'm pretty sure she's wrong though cause I remember it feeling much looser after one of my vigorous interdental scrubs, but I'm going to find out in two weeks when I go for my appointment. To some extent, I hope she's right as well...cause if she's wrong, that means my treatment of having braces on would be extended by two or three weeks (NNooOoOoooo...). I seriously intend to make this experience the most efficient as possible. :)

I woke up immensely stressed and sad at the same time this morning. I think it's cause I've been taking a couple of profile pictures (which has been making me a bit self-conscious) and have been freaking out a little bit about my little mole surgery on Thursday and debating with myself whether I was making the right decision. This anxiousness has reminded me a lot of the dental surgery I had ten years ago where I got four of my wisdom teeth and two canines extracted (cause my jaw was just too small to accommodate all of them!) One of my canines was sticking out of the top of my gum and it bothered me. I sought a lot of advice from friends and family before deciding to get it out, and I remember the variety of responses I got. A lot of my friends said it looked okay, some even said it was cute, and there were people who even said that I shouldn't take it out because it was a "lucky tooth" and all sorts of stuff like that. Thing is, it bothered me. Alot.

No, these are not my teeth.
It's just a graphic to show
what my lucky tooth
looked like - as in the
top "before" pic.

I still remember the strange stares I got from people who were distracted by my "lucky tooth" when I first met them. I felt uncomfortable, and knew I wasn't appreciating its existence in my life, and yet I debated with myself whether it was a bad decision to remove the tooth simply because of what other people thought...as if removing it would curse me with bad luck for the rest of my life or something. Even though I don't quite believe in luck! I did the surgery in the end. And looking back, I'm glad I went with getting it extracted. I honestly think it would have just damaged me more if I had kept it in, and I'm thankful for that decision that I made even though I worried so much about it. This time, I suppose I'm just going through the same process again, except it's about my moles. And the barrage of responses like "but they look sexy", "they're cute!" or "they give you character" or "I didn't even know you had moles!" But they bother me.

For the past two days, as I inch closer to my surgery day, I've caught myself on several occasions, standing in front of a mirror and putting my two fingers on my moles, or covering them up on photos, to try to visualize how I'd look without them. It's frightening, really - change. I've come to the conclusion that it's change that we fear...and we get anxious because of the risk involved and the fear of a bad outcome - therefore conjuring so many cognitive dissonance-sy responses from people who are trying to encourage the status quo and keep life constant (which includes keeping the appearance of people around them constant as much as possible). But I suppose I've been bothered enough by my moles to want to do it for myself now, regardless of my fear of change... and even though I fear so much that they will leave ugly scars on my face and no one will love me forever and I will die cold and alone with a cat who looked like it understood me at some point but was really with me for the food and the occasional reassuring loving caresses.

But change must happen for progress to be ignited into existence. And surely progress will build me, and not tear me down. It's kind of like making decisions that force me to face my fears. Just like this whole jaw surgery process. And that's exactly what this whole blog is about - courage.

Two days to surgery...and I will walk out of the hospital with two little stitches on my face. Going to be praying hard that the Lord will give the surgeon good hands, skill, and concentration on that day.

But here's to change and progress and confidence and everything beautiful in between...like life.

Anyway, here's stuff I ate today. Starting with breakfast!  :)

 

This is how my family tempts me to eat. With soft fluffy pancakes! ^^ <3
None of that golden syrup for me though! Carcinogens!

This is how I ate mine. :) Yes, with yesterday's leftover half-banana. Delish!

 And this was lunch of fish congee...

It's not difficult to tell which is mine and which is my sister's. :D

My appetite is improving though. :) Probably cause of that loose wire... but hey, I think I just might take advantage of this period and get myself some cheese puffs. #^_^# MAYBE.