Friday, July 04, 2014

Day 15: Work and other things that are working now.

Pain Level: 0 - No pain, just this weird tingly sensation on the left of my chin. It's a little annoying, but I hope it means feeling is coming back soon. 
Swelling: I think my chin looks a little more defined. Just so slightly.  Neck still gross though.
Other weirdness: I'm starting to think my lips don't match up very well. I tried to smile today and it looked really lopsided... maybe it's cause not all the muscles are ready to move yet.
Mood: Exhausted from the day. Concerned about my stagnated weight and the possibility that something went wrong with my surgery just that no one is telling me.

Today was a busy day.

I woke up to handing work emails at home, had my PA brief me about some stuff on the way to a work location, went to another meeting, came home to my sales staff briefing me some handover docs at home, then I finally received a friend at 2030 till 2330. (I know, I know, I'm not supposed to be running around with my fractured jaws. :/)

Dinner was 2330 and I totally missed lunch. Yay, Day 15.

Dad to Me: "Want some?" *snigger*
My dad thinks he's so funny.
On better notes, I finally had my taste of Banana Nutella Chocolate Smoothie! (Made with Chocolate Ensure...I'm such a good girl right?) It tasted so good, I thought it was bad for me and my throat. Interestingly, I only could manage about 80-100mls of it before my stomach started saying "Okay, full now. Enough, stop". So I did, and I put the rest of it in the fridge. The health-junkie in me could not believe I only ate some chocolate and bananas for breakfast, so I attempted to eat a bowl of soy bean curd, but could only manage about a third of it.

One thing I realized from this process has been that I'm a lot more aware of how full my stomach is, and when to say stop. I remember in the past week, there were times when I was offered "food" (in inverted commas because they were some liquid version of something) and I was able to just say "tomorrow", because I'd had enough for the day. In the past, if it were something really delicious, I might have just made some space. But I guess that's changed now.

I did step on the scale today though and I think my body has also decided to stop losing weight after 7kilos (15 pounds) because it seems like my weight has stagnated. NooooOOoooo I put on 13 kilos (almost 29 pounds) for this silly surgery! (Yes, I kinda overdid it. #^_^#) Even when I asked Surgeonman the other day about my swollen underside of my chin whether it'd be permanent, he literally said "don't put on anymore weight". :( With my sharper chin in the past, I looked completely alright even when I was 7 kilos heavier! :(( Sigh, work with me, body! We have 7 kilos more to go!

Warning: Information below may be classified as "TMI", but worth mentioning from a scientific/biological standpoint.

On happier notes, my time of the month came today! I was so worried about it because of my lack of nutrition, but I suppose I've been doing much better the past few days that my body had enough to work with. :)) I've missed cycles before when I was under too much stress, when I'm normally really regular, so it was a big indicator that my body is doing alright.

Also, I could do a fair number 2 today! :D Maybe it was all the spinach yesterday! :D I love vegetables! :))) After two weeks! It was an achievement! It's like my body is slowly getting back to normality.

Nothing much else to report than that today....

Oh! I did have another bout of "I'm 80% sure that something screwed up at my surgery", because I tried smiling today. Pre-surgery I remember Surgeonman and Consultman saying that when I smile, I should be able to see 1-2mm of my gum above my teeth, but even with the widest smile I can make now, my lips still cover half my upper teeth. :( It's weird. I also started feeling like my head was not proportionate to my body anymore (I had a 3-6mm upper jaw impaction)... and it was a terrible feeling. But I'm going to choose to not freak out and just assume that it's cause not everything is healed up yet.

I really hate it when these thoughts come because one can only freak out, and just... that's about all you can do. And even if something really went wrong - that my measurements by Mucky were trusted and were all actually all wrong - you can't turn back the clock and change things. I can't go back and demand they do it again. I can't tell Surgeonman, "NO! This is going to affect me for the rest of MY life. It's MY face that is going to be hurt whether she is serious about her job or not. Do it again, please." I just have to live with it. It's pretty scary. :(

But I'm not going to allow myself to entertain these thoughts. I'm just going to focus on getting well, and healing up, and getting strong again. That's the only productive, constructive thing I can do now.

Food Report


80-100mls of Banana Nutella Smoothie
1/3 bowl of soy bean curd with almond milk

Lunch - Missed, because of work :(

20mls of spinach soup (it was too salty tonight. I just couldn't drink it. :()
One bowl of soy bean curd with almond milk

High point of the day
Work stuff, and meeting with my PA.

Low point of the day
Stupid thoughts again. :(

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