Saturday, July 05, 2014

Deep reflections in the day

It's a lazy Saturday morning and I don't have much planned except to organize some paperwork and perhaps clear up my poor laptop that has been clogging up with a barrage of work over the past few months.

I spent the morning watching an interesting show called "Extreme Makeover - Weightloss Edition" of a girl named Meredith and her story of her one year with her coach was extremely inspiring. A lot of the points in her story resonated with me and I couldn't help but reflect on certain aspects of my life.

Today, after doing some research for my mum's health, I started researching for information about the health of a very dear friend of mine (who might have a similar condition) whom I'm no longer allowed to speak to - for reasons I know not of... or at least, I am not aware of any fair and justifiable reasons for one to make such a deep cut on another. It is a very painful memory, and a rough part of my life that I try not to think about too much... and yet I found myself researching for a person whom my heart still deeply cares for - even if this person may have no iota of care for my existence. 

Maybe I should watch this again. :)
As I sent out the information to a mutual friend, in hopes that she may forward the health concerns, par
t of me felt gravely sad that it is possible that such a human relationship can exist. That it is possible that I should be the person who cares from the shadows - afraid to come out because I am not allowed to. It is a terrible feeling of injustice - especially when you feel you had done nothing wrong to be treated in such a way. Perhaps it is silly of me to still care when I'm treated in such a manner. And yet, I suppose, there are some things from the heart, your logical mind just cannot override.

The feeling inside is ironic though. It is as though everything in you just desires for reconciliation, and yet so much of you also remembers how deep a cut was made that would make that result close to an impossibility. Too many hurtful things were said, too much pain was borne, and too many dark memories were unjustly lived through.

It sounds I like should stop thinking now and find some activity to do before my mind decides to have a party with these thoughts.  It's not constructive in any way. 

Take control! Overcome!
Okay, I'm just going to clear my mail now.

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